Survivor winner Ethan Zohn is filled with "fear and anger" that his cancer has returned. He was celebrating his 20th month of remission from Hodgkin's lymphoma when his doctors confirmed his worst fear on Sept. 14.
"It's localized in my lung area, but it's good that it's not all over my body," he tells People in an exclusive interview.
Zohn, 37, said that the possibility of a relapse was a worry. "I don't want fear or cancer to define me, but it's always in the back of your mind," he said.
He is not dealing with this setback alone, as his longtime girlfriend Jenna Morasca, who also won Survivor, is helping him cope and is "taking it like the rock star that she is," he says.
"We're both filled with fear and anger and anxiety and gratitude and frustration. But there's so much love there. It's this whole spectrum of emotions." he admits.
Zohn began an advanced form of chemotherapy on Oct. 18 that will attack only the cancerous cells which means he won't lose his signature hair. He will have treatment for 12 weeks before hopefully undergoing his second stem cell transplant from one of his brothers -- but he says his doctors won't tell him which brother is a match."They didn't want me to start treating one differently than the other. Of course my whole family is taking bets on who it is," he jokes.
Zohn says that despite his cancer relapse, he still plans on running the New York City Marathon on November 6th to raise money for HIV/AIDS education and prevention.
"The doctors think I'm crazy but they gave me the okay. Cancer isn't going to slow me down. I want people to know that you can still live a fulfilled life and move forward," he says.