At the ceremony, where Hanks was honored with the Chaplin Award, Roberts gave a slurry yet hilarious speech that often made no sense but kept the audience cracking up.
"Alright well, it's late and I'm paying my babysitter overtime and I have to pee," she began. "So Tom, everybody f***ing likes you. All my bits are gone. Listen, I had lunch today with Rita, and her t*ts were here [motioned high] and her waist was here [motioned small] and her a** was like that [motioned high], so what can I tell you that's new? Tom Hanks, what the f***?"
Drunky McDrunkerson then gave her synopsis of Hanks' film career, much to the delight of fellow imbiber Charlize Theron.
"I love the Cohen brothers, but the hair Tom (in 2004's Ladykillers), I didn't even know what the f*** that movie was about! You in the airport with the accent (she's talking about Terminal)? It was a pass for me. Airport? Were you just an immigrant lost? I didn't know. I love you, and I didn't know what to do, really. God, I'm wearing the same f***ing dress tonight as your publicist! Listen, I've got to get home. But this much we know... I will say this: Tom Hanks, I love you."
Before leaving the stage, Roberts got caught in that alcoholic twilight moment, becoming transfixed by the darkness over the audience. "It's so dark out there, I feel like I'm in space," she said. "An audience member held up a cell phone. Thank you, whoever just made it light. (Lost creator and Star Trek director) JJ Abrams, are you here?"
Don't miss our exclusive with JJ Abrams next week!
Roberts and Hanks costarred in the film Charlie Wilson's War.
From America's Sweetheart to America's crazy drunk aunt who has to be carried to the car after Thanksgiving dinner -- although, to her credit, she did look amazing.
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