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Lady Gaga Is Seriously Breaking a Lot of Laws in Her 'John Wayne' Music Video

Sarah Aswell is a freelance humor writer who lives in Missoula, Montana, with her husband and two kids. Her words have appeared in places like The New Yorker, McSweeney’s, The Hairpin, and more.

Let's count the traffic violations in Lady Gaga's new 'John Wayne' music video

After her high-flying, butt-kicking Super Bowl halftime show, Lady Gaga is continuing her week of excitement by releasing a new music video, this time for the rocking “John Wayne” cut off of her latest album Joanne. Directed by Jonas Åkerlund, who also created the videos for “Telephone” and “Paparazzi,” this new romp is filled with vintage Gaga, from the over-the-top costumes and creative group choreography to the, well, super-weirdness of everything.

I was trying to enjoy one of my favorite songs off of Joanne, but honestly, I couldn’t help but brim with anxiety as I mentally tallied how many points Gaga and her guy pal were racking up on their licenses. Let’s count them up:

Let's count the traffic violations in Lady Gaga's new 'John Wayne' music video
Image: Interscope Records

1. Seat belts!? (00:20)

I count at least eight dudes without seat belts on. Not only that, but we’ve got one guy hanging out of the sunroof, a couple of guys out the windows and two guys on the hood (no doubt obstructing the driver’s line of vision). Safety first and jamming second, you guys!

More: Lady Gaga's Super Bowl Halftime Performance Might Just Unify America

Let's count the traffic violations in Lady Gaga's new 'John Wayne' music video
Image: Interscope Records

2. Drinking and driving/open container (00:23)

Lady Gaga’s man friend is definitely drinking a lager while behind the wheel. And while for all we know his blood alcohol level is below the legal limit of 0.08, he is definitely still breaking the law by holding an open container. I’m MADD, bro.

Let's count the traffic violations in Lady Gaga's new 'John Wayne' music video
Image: Interscope Records

3. Helmets!? (00:35)

It’s possible that Gaga and her companion are riding motorcycles in a state without a mandatory helmet law, but the odds are against them. And while her wide-brimmed hat will protect her against the sun’s rays and fashion critics, it won’t do much when it comes to traumatic brain injuries. I might add that while she’s donning a leather outfit, it’s not exactly one that will protect her against road rash in the case of an accident.

More: People Are Actually Insane if They Think Lady Gaga Has a ‘Belly Roll’

Let's count the traffic violations in Lady Gaga's new 'John Wayne' music video
Image: Interscope Records

4. Reckless driving (00:55)

Oh, YEP.

Let's count the traffic violations in Lady Gaga's new 'John Wayne' music video
Image: Interscope Records

5. Driving on the shoulder (01:11)

This one really doesn’t hold a candle to some of their other violations, but it’s worth mentioning. Driving on the shoulder can be dangerous for pedestrians, cyclists, disabled vehicles and the occupants of the offending car itself.

Let's count the traffic violations in Lady Gaga's new 'John Wayne' music video
Image: Interscope Records

6. Possible car stereo violation (01:14)

Many states have laws against drivers playing their stereos too loudly. I’m guessing with the sound system that is mounted to the roof of their car, Gaga and company might end up with a ticket. Maybe they’ll get off with a warning.

Let's count the traffic violations in Lady Gaga's new 'John Wayne' music video
Image: Interscope Records

7. Distracted driving (01:24)

I don’t really know where to start here, but let’s start with the making out and heavy petting while behind the wheel. Yes, it makes fooling around even more fun and exciting, but oh my gosh, it’s called parking for a reason. Something tells me that this might be even worse than texting while driving.

Let's count the traffic violations in Lady Gaga's new 'John Wayne' music video
Image: Interscope Records

8. Driving on the sidewalk (01:53)

This is probably illegal for a really good reason that I can’t think of right now. Oh, wait: pedestrians!

Let's count the traffic violations in Lady Gaga's new 'John Wayne' music video
Image: Interscope Records

9. Failing to stop at the scene of an accident (01:54)

Oh my God, did they just hit a dog? They just hit a dog! And they didn’t stop at the scene of the accident, which is illegal. I know we’re only halfway through the song, but maybe they should stop rocking until they safely reach their destination.

Let's count the traffic violations in Lady Gaga's new 'John Wayne' music video
Image: Interscope Records

10. Firing a weapon from a vehicle (01:59)

No, it is not legal to discharge a firearm when in a moving car. When Gaga later fires bullets out of her high heels while sitting on the roof of a parked car, though, that actually might be legal. (?) I need to speak to my attorney.

More: Lady Gaga's New Tattoo Honors Sexual Assault Survivors

Let's count the traffic violations in Lady Gaga's new 'John Wayne' music video
Image: Interscope Records

11. Speeding (02:00)

How have I not mentioned speeding yet?

Let's count the traffic violations in Lady Gaga's new 'John Wayne' music video
Image: Interscope Records

12. Failing to alert authorities of an accident (02:12)

Uh-oh, now they’ve crashed into a tree and the car exploded. And at least one version of Lady Gaga might be dead or something. Even worse, everyone is partaking in choreographed dancing instead of calling the police and filing an official accident report, which is unlawful.

Watch the whole music video above & let us know if we missed any traffic violations in the comments below.

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

Let's count the traffic violations in Lady Gaga's new 'John Wayne' music video
Image: Getty Images
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