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Can Jorge and Anifsa create a healthy relationship on 90 Day Fiancé?

My work as a marriage and family therapist in Scottsdale, Arizona helps to  instill hope and change through the use of techniques including: Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, Parenting Skills Training, and Brief Solution focused therapy. I u...

Jealousy and lack of satisfaction could mean trouble for Jorge and Anifsa

Anifsa and Jorge are five weeks in to their journey to become husband and wife. On the latest episode on TLC’s 90 Day Fiancé we see that Anifsa is looking to build her modeling career with Jorge's help. Jorge tells the camera that he will do anything to make her happy, which is why he is trying to kickstart her modeling career.

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While it may be a bit controversial to some that Anifsa wants a modeling career to be ‘rich and famous,’ I would assume that most of the audience is wondering whether she has realistic goals. Jorge seems to question this career goal, but he remains supportive in the moment as he appears to be constantly trying to make her happy. But this is actually a fault in the relationship as no one is solely dependent on the other for happiness. Everyone has to make themselves happy on the inside. This idea that he is constantly trying to do things or buy things to make her happy is not something that will create a long lasting and healthy relationship. Unfortunately it doesn't seem to be as obvious to Jorge as it is to the outside viewer. Hopefully, he will be able to see that trying to make someone else happy through external things won't work for long.

I would also be concerned that the basis of this relationship appears to be on monetary things. We routinely see Anifsa discussing money and superficial things. They each knew this before she arrived in the United States as Jorge knew how she spoke as they developed a relationship long distance, so it’s not a surprise to him. I would think that the amount of jealousy and the inability to manage this will be an issue as time develops. Jorge appears uncomfortable with her modeling and tells the camera that, ‘he will suppress his jealousy.’ The two admit on camera that they do not know how to handle their jealousy.

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Ironically, Jorge feels that this is the happiest he has seen her, which just proves that a healthy relationship is one in which happiness needs to start from the individual and then grow to the couple. One has to feel happiness with themselves and not just look for the other person to create their happiness.What should concern him is that when she shows a positive attitude she is doing something external to their relationship, such as modeling. She continues to have a theory that ‘Jorge will have to deal with this.’ This also is not a positive element in a healthy relationship.

Yes, sometimes a little bit of jealousy is OK in a relationship. It really matters why each individual feels jealous and where the feeling originates from. Some self-reflection or therapy might be useful in this case. Since this couple is already experiencing some challenges with jealousy early on, and even when they were dating long distance, it is not a great sign for creating a healthy union for the future.

They both seem to lack skills to handle their uncomfortable feelings of jealousy. Handling jealousy through arguing or playing games is not a recipe for success.The couple most likely needs to deal with the underlying issues causing the jealousy and work through this on their own. The two seem not to have navigated a way to manage uncomfortable feelings in an appropriate manner to manage conflict and reduce jealousy. They both told the makeup artist in the photo shoot that they do not trust each other. In my view, this is not a great start to a healthy relationship. Building trust would reduce jealousy, but these two do not have trust in each other. It is definitely something they will hopefully reflect on to figure out what a healthy and stable relationship looks like.

I guess we will see in the next episode next week how the couple can resolve this issue.

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