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The Bachelorette needs to learn the difference between chemistry and attraction

My work as a marriage and family therapist in Scottsdale, Arizona helps to  instill hope and change through the use of techniques including: Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, Parenting Skills Training, and Brief Solution focused therapy. I u...

JoJo might be attracted to James Taylor, but that doesn't mean they have an emotional connection

How do you know if you have an emotional connection with someone or if you are mistaking it for the excitement of meeting someone new? The question of an emotional connection seemed to arise on a date between Joelle Fletcher and James Taylor on a recent episode of The Bachelorette.

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JoJo told the camera that she is looking for an emotional connection with contestant James Taylor on their one-on-one date, where they learned how to swing dance. She had so much fun with him and she said she could not stop smiling. After dancing, they sat and talked for the rest of the date. She told the camera that he is an amazing man, but she is not sure there is a romantic connection there.

James opened up with an emotional story about his childhood. JoJo offered him the rose, and James tells the camera that JoJo's affection for him is starting to assuage his lack of self-confidence. Is this emotional connection or just attraction?

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By sharing his childhood story in an open and honest manner, James offers something that allows JoJo to feel connected to him. While this is a great start to any emotional connection, it's really just a start. A real ability to connect on an emotional level needs time to develop. Just because you feel chemistry with someone, you shouldn't assume you're making a true emotional connection.

Sometimes I feel that the Bachelors and Bachelorettes confuse emotional connections with attraction, which may not always lead to a successful relationship. They are two separate things. Connecting emotionally means knowing how to listen and understand someone else's feelings... and your own.

As JoJo's journey continues, she may begin to develop the early stages of an emotional connection, but she really needs a lot more time than the show allows for. She needs to focus on what an emotional connection will feel like, which could help her find one during the short journey on the show. A deeper emotional connection will most likely develop after the show ends and the couple begins developing their relationship.

Hopefully she will be able to distinguish between a superficial attraction and a real connection. Given her openness and willingness to connect, I would say she has a good start.

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