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Southern Charm's Cameran Eubanks reinforces my decision not to have kids

Chanel Dubofsky is a fiction writer, journalist and editor based in Brooklyn, New York. Her work on gender, sexuality, religion and reproductive justice has been publishing in Cosmopolitan, RH Reality Check, The Billfold, The Toast, The ...

Cameran Eubanks' therapy session is a reminder that the way people talk about motherhood is wrong

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On Monday's new episode of Southern Charm, Cameran Eubanks let the cameras in on her first therapy session, during which she talked about her anxiety and its impact on her feelings about having kids. Cameran has been really open about her feelings in regard to children — she's not ready, but her husband Jason is super ready, and she's an anomaly among the women she knows, who are either more than ready to have babies or already have them. During her session, Cameran talked about her mother as her role model, a rather non-traditional one in the South — she had her children in her thirties, wasn't a "cookie-baking" mom and worked outside the home. She also talked about her anxiety, triggered by the idea of being out of control, which is definitely a fact of parenting.

More: Thomas Ravenel takes his pregnancy ignorance too far on Southern Charm

Things got a little too real in this episode for people on Twitter, who seemed in awe that a woman might have conflicting, ambivalent or anxious feelings about having kids.

As a woman who has never been interested in having kids — and I mean that; I've never even been ambivalent, the answer has always been no — I have nothing but empathy for Cameran. I hope this therapist helps her get to a place where she can tap into what she really wants, because it seems like she doesn't have a clear sense of it right now. It's really hard to admit that you don't want kids, and the Twitter response proves that the world is still super inhospitable to women who are anything but totally gung-ho about having children. Hearing Cameran talk about her anxiety struck a real chord in me, because I am an anxious person, and my decision to live a child-free life has a lot to do with my desire to eliminate as much anxiety from my life as I possibly can. The fact that everyone around Cameran either has a kid, is planning on having a kid or wants her to have a kid cannot be helpful in her attempts to decide what she actually wants. It is tough out there for a child-free woman — I spent a lot of time assuming that I'd have a kid because that's just what people did, and I'm extremely grateful that I was able to be real with myself so I could start living the life I'm living now, which is infinitely more genuine than the one I would have lived if I'd done what everyone expected me to do. But it's also tough if you don't know what you want, especially if what you're not sure about is presented as an assignment and not an option, which is indeed the case with motherhood.

More: 17 times Southern Charm's Kathryn Dennis threw subtle shade at Thomas Ravenel

What did you think of Cameran's therapy session? Can you relate to her feelings about having kids? Tell us in the comments!

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