A lucky stadium had the chance to see Ludacris perform at the University of Georgia last month. But it definitely didn't come cheap. For a mere $65,000 and an insane rider that looks more like a Duggar's shopping list minus the alcohol (and condoms), fans were treated to a 15-minute show that included some of Luda's greatest hits. All I can think is: Why?
And I say this as a true Ludacris fan. Back for the First Time was on repeat from the time it came out to the time I graduated college. I was even cool with the rapper-turned-actor thing, and I'm notorious for ragging on entertainers' horrible acting skills (*cough* Beyoncé *cough*). But that was several years ago, and I think kids these days know him more as the guy from the The Fast and Furious movies and less as the guy who was part of the group to bring Southern rap music to the forefront. And while I question the hefty price tag ($65,000, really?), I'm more amazed at the sheer amount of stuff he requested for a 15-minute performance.
I got questions, Luda, and lots of them.
1. Why do you need so many towels?
2. Why does your dinner need two different kinds of chicken?
3. Why the need to specify the chicken be seasoned? Does that not go without saying?
4. Two kinds of potatoes? Really? What is this, Thanksgiving?
5. If you already have been served a dinner, why do you need the fixings for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in your room?
6. Why the need to specify strawberry and grape jelly? There are other kinds? Who hurt you by bringing you apricot preserves?
7. You just ate a healthy dinner and are requesting organic PB&J. Why all the candy?
8. Are you planning on packing anything for the trip? Because most of us can bring our own undergarments (T-shirts) and toiletries. I mean, did you hop on the plane with unbrushed hair and bad breath?
9. Do you not own a toothbrush and toothpaste? Do you have these things freshly provided everywhere you go?
10. Why must the university provide you with condoms?
11. More food? Really? How much of an appetite can one work up in 15 minutes?
12. Why do you need two different kinds of almonds?
13. Did you get on the flight ashy? You're from the South, I know you travel with lotion, right? Right?
14. Why so specific with the brands of towels? Are these towels in addition to the ones requested earlier?
15. How drunk does one need to be to perform for 15 minutes? Is all this for the after-party?
16. Wayment. Isn't Conjure Cognac your brand? Why are you making UGA pay for it? You can't just have it delivered for free wherever you go?
17. Why all the batteries? Why? Why?
18. What's with all the juice and water? Did you just insert the Sam's Club shopping list for a mom of four here?
In retrospect, this list actually looks a lot like my quarterly Sam's Club shopping list.
Except for the Belvedere vodka, of course. Because, everyone, we stopped drinking that in 2005.
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