Are Mattie and Lyle headed for a hookup — or, better yet, a full-blown relationship? That was the question on everyone's minds at the close of the last episode of Party Down South so, suffice it to say, it's been a long week of waiting to find out if they, uh, sealed the deal.
Alas, this week made it known pretty early that Lyle and Mattie are not meant to be... at least not right now. As Lyle explained as he got out of bed, "There might be a place in my heart for me and Mattie, but I just got out of a relationship and I'm not ready to get back in another one."
Oh well, there's always next season — damn it, no there's not. I suppose we'll have to resort to stalking these guys on social media to see if anything ever comes of their flirtation. We've all got our crosses to bear, right?
Because the housemates apparently didn't want to join me in mourning the loss of the potential power couple Mattie and Lyle would have been, they all decided to head out on the boat for an afternoon of fun in the sun.
After gently trying to jostle Tiffany from her slumber (aka totally manhandling her), the Terror Twins become resigned to the fact that the gang is just going to have to leave her behind for the day — presumably to recover from the internal injuries they just gave her.
Once at the sandbar where they decide to shore their boat, Lyle wastes no time hitting on, well, "everything with a vagina," as Murray so eloquently put it.
At some point in his socializing, Lyle comes across a group of people from Europe. This sparks an intense debate among Daddy, Walt and Murray over whether or not Europe is a continent. And while you might assume Walt and Murray were laughing hysterically at Daddy for claiming Europe wasn't a continent, it was actually the opposite.
Daddy was right, and now the joke's on the Terror Twins. I mean, surely someone told Walt and Murray that Daddy was right and Europe is a continent. Like, they realize this now, right?
"They are always busting Daddy's chops, and sometimes rightfully so, but don't sleep on Daddy," SallyAnn Salsano, 495 Productions president and founder, and creator and executive producer of Party Down South, told SheKnows in an exclusive interview.
"He's actually got more going on than you might expect. Sometimes he drops some knowledge, and we are all just as blown away that he is right as when he has a crazy Daddy-ism. And if no one told Walt and Murray that Daddy was right, they are about to find out the same time as America!" Salsano revealed.
It turned out to be an afternoon of unexpected occurrences then because — despite Murray "gettin' the grill fired up and ready" for Boudreaux to "come over here and drop the meat on it," aka getting a girl's number — Lyle wasn't interested in calling any of the ladies he spent the day priming.
On the other hand, Tiffany was dialing up a storm trying to reach her offshore boyfriend, Bubba. As you'll recall, he told her he had to work through the weekend but was actually plotting a surprise visit.
When Bubba arrives, Mattie and Hott Dogg sneak him up to Tiff's room and lure her there. Hooray! They pulled off the surprise! Apparently kind of miraculously, since Hott Dogg typically can't keep a secret to save her life.
So, for the moment, all seems right with the world. As Walt puts it, "One thing that kinda keeps the house calm is Tiffany getting the D."
Later that night, the housemates decide to celebrate Bubba's visit with a trip to a local piano bar called Savannah Smiles. Daddy, who is back to his typical Daddy-isms, exclaims, "I'm gonna bend somebody over the piano and play pork chops on their ass."
Pork chops, ha! Gotta love that guy.
Things seem to be going well until Lyle bets some dude 60 bucks that Daddy can beat him in an arm-wrestling match. Daddy does, naturally, but then Lyle's money disappears. This causes Wild Lyle to come out in the worst way and, ultimately, Boudreaux gets the boot.
For real, though, I'm dying to know: Did the footage ever get reviewed to find out who jacked Lyle's money?
Yes and no, according to Salsano. "Out of pure morbid curiosity, we did and it didn't give any clear answers. It was there and then it was gone, but no clear evidence as to who [took it] or how it went missing," she explained. "That said, word to the wise: don't steal from Lyle. He will clearly go full-on baboso if he thinks you cheated him."
Other interesting happenings at the bar include Daddy stealing a girl right from underneath Walt's nose, only to have the girl introduce her baby daddy... who wants Daddy to join them in a threesome.
Mattie got propositioned about a porno last week, Daddy for a threesome this week — clearly, Savannah is a lot kinkier than I remember it being. (Planning my next visit now.)
But back at the house, things have gone downhill fast for Wild Lyle. Although chatting with Tiffany and Bubba seems to cheer him up after he admits he is still destroyed over Santana, he takes a turn for the worse after they go to bed.
In fact, he decides he needs to call Santana and make it perfectly clear where things stand. "You know what? F*** you," he tells his ex when she picks up the phone. Yep, I'd say that's pretty clear.
By the time everyone else gets home, Lyle has been reduced to a sobbing, screaming mess in the yard. Fortunately, his ol' buddy Walt is able to talk him off the ledge. He might suck at geography but, by God, that Walt can give a good pep talk.
Inquiring minds want to know, though: Is this the closure Lyle needs, or is that still forthcoming?
"In relationships, I always feel like full closure never comes until months and months later, no matter what conversations take place," said Salsano. "When you're that far in with someone, there are bound to be triggers all over the place that take time to heal. I will say, however, that there is more to come with these two before it's all said and done."
After all of that, it seems the only one still in the mood to party is Daddy. And by party, I clearly mean host a frickin' raver in his mouth. At 2 a.m. this guy (who must have a freakishly high metabolism) gets it goin' with literally every. Single. Thing in the fridge.
The next day, the gang decides to take their battle of the sexes that began with last week's Segway race (which the ladies won, holllaaa) to the paintball field. This time, the girls do not emerge victorious — I blame Walt's outfit for distracting them. It was mental warfare; I'm sure of it.
The girls did earn some pretty cool battle scars to show for their loss. Plus, assures Salsano, they didn't lose for lack of trying.
"I think a few of the girls had some pent-up hostility that day! Most of the girls killed it, which I loved, of course. Obviously, Walt doesn't mess around and is good at whatever he does. For me, I just always love the girls versus boys stuff, because the girls usually put the boys in their place."
Then, since it's the last Saturday ev-er for the Party Down South-ers (excuse me while I ugly cry for a minute), everyone decides to head out to the bar. Mattie, in particular, is super stoked to "go out with a bang." You know, quite literally. She's on the hunt for some Vitamin D, y'all.
Everyone is having a blast, but perhaps none more so at first than Mattie, who is poundin' back shots. She straight up asks one dude to go home with her, and he does a vanishing act. This only fuels Mattie's drive to bag a marlin.
Outside, she pulls out all the stops, making out with some guy to entice him to come back to the house. Only the guy turns out to be a tool and cruelly walks back to his friends, making a fool of Mattie.
What's up with that, bruh? Sounds to me like these idiots are just intimidated by a woman in charge of her own sexuality. "Oh, for sure!" Salsano emphatically agreed. "In person, Mattie has such a presence. No. 1, she is stunning and No. 2, she is tall, lean and in the best shape of her life. So it's always one of two things: either guys are too intimidated to approach her, or they want to knock her down. Either way, their loss."
Amen to that. Still, after 10 weeks of radio silence, Hurricane Martha makes her debut — but we'll have to wait until next week to see if she gets downgraded or becomes a full-blown Category 5.
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