During a particularly broody moment between Piper and Alex in Episode 4, it dawns on Alex that Piper is especially surly because it is June 7, to which Piper replies, "You know how I feel about June 7ths." Later, when Piper's family visits, we find out that June 7 is, in fact, Piper's birthday. So, I mean, we get it. She's turning 32 and she's in prison. It isn't an ideal situation. But her comment to Alex implies she has long had an issue with birthdays. Is it vanity? Something more significant?
After proposing with a gum-wrapper ring in what could have been the sweetest moment of the season, Bennett apparently bails on Daya and the baby. To say
we she was heartbroken would be an understatement. Seriously, though, where in the hell did he go? This can't be for real, right? If Bennett doesn't come back, we just don't know if our hearts can take it.
Remember that moment last season when Aleida tricked Bennett into the utility closet? We gave Bennett the benefit of the doubt, since (at the time) we thought he hung the moon. However, in Episode 4, seeing how upset Daya is, Maritza asks, "Bennett f***ed Aleida?" When Flaca calls her an idiot, Maritza replies, "Oh, what? Like that's such a crazy question?" Indeed.
OK, so we have a lot of lingering questions about Bennett. Yes, we understand that Matt McGorry has been busy with How to Get Away with Murder and becoming our feminist man-hero, but we kind of direly need him to pop back into the show so we know if he tipped off the feds to Cesar's situation as part of some strategy to get custody of his and Daya's baby.
For argument's sake, let's say Bennett really did say sayonara to Litchfield (and his responsibility as a father) for good. Then what will become of Daya's baby? It seems unlikely the child will be released back into the care of Daya's younger sisters. Will she go into the system? The scene where Cesar was on the ground screaming for Daya's baby? Brutal, BTW.
For the record, what a cruel, cruel thing for Jenji Kohan to do to us — having Nicky ripped from our loving attention in only Episode 2. If you're curious as to how we felt, just picture Morello sobbing and you've got the gist. So, when is Nicky coming back? Is she coming back? Will we instead see segments of her in max next season? Litchfield simply isn't the same without her.
Last we saw this "furry little alkie" Poussey thought was stealing her jail juice, it was trying to escape from her laundry bag. We're pretty sure they didn't, ahem, dispose of it, so the little guy is back in the prison yard, we hope. Still, how do you smuggle a squirrel outside? For that matter, how do you smuggle one inside?
While Leanne is helping Poussey replenish her hooch stash, Poussey makes a comment in German. This isn't that surprising, considering we already know that Poussey comes from a military family and lived in Germany. But what's with Leanne conversing in the language? Even being Amish doesn't really explain her fluency.
Several of this season's most tender and surprising moments go to Crazy Eyes and the new inmate Maureen, who apparently recognizes a fellow polyamorous perverse when she sees one. Even though Crazy Eyes (who is a virgin) couldn't summon the courage to meet Maureen in the closet, she did catch a turtle for her. That sounds like true love to us.
I love Mary Steenburgen. You love Mary Steenburgen. Let's all just agree that we want her to reprise her role as Pornstache's mom. It could totally happen, since Aleida only told her character half-truths. Will Lady Pornstache uncover the truth about Daya's baby and, if so, how will that affect Pornstache?
New correctional officer Coates sure seemed adorable when he first started chatting up Pennsatucky. We even thought for a moment that he could be the guy to help her gain some self-confidence. Tragically, he ended up being little more than a donut-peddling rapist. Is Maritza his next target? We sincerely hope not.
There was so much buildup with this character, we have to believe that she'll be back in a big way next season. She's a pinch of Paula Deen and a smidgen of Martha Stewart — and we can't wait to see if she reigns or crumbles behind bars.
Leave it to OITNB to take two tough, deeply flawed characters and hint they may just find redemption and healing in each other. That's what we danced around the entire season with Red and Healy and — in full disclosure — we were absolutely rooting for them. Fingers crossed for a future romance.
Confession: I spent half the season thinking that if Alex's former drug kingpin was going to knock someone off, I wouldn't mind if it was Alex... er, and Piper. Bad, I know. But once Alex came face-to-face in the garden shed with a new guard/ex-partner-in-crime/hit man, I realized I would miss her if she actually did get snuffed out.
Here's the thing. The character of Stella was relatively one-dimensional this season. She served as little more than a placeholder or a prop to further develop Piper's character. However, Ruby Rose — the actress who plays Stella — is a breakout star. Fans love her. Perhaps she'll come back from max with Nicky in tow (yes, please)?
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