Listen, you're great. From cat videos to viral memes, you're always there for us when we want to procrastinate at work. You make ordering Chinese delivery and binge-watching our favorite shows so easy. And you lay advanced ex-boyfriend stalking capabilities right at our fingertips.
It's because you're so great that we've come to expect so much from you. And because we have those high expectations, the Kevin Bacon jokes have got to stop.
Or, at least, they need to get much, much better.
You see, when Kevin Bacon posted that weird selfie of himself in set makeup that made him look like he'd gained a few pounds, we see why the first person or two to make the joke thought it was funny. "Kevin Bacon looks fat," they thought. "Almost like he ate TOO MUCH BACON."
Image: Kevin Bacon / Instagram
And everyone laughed and laughed and had a good time and ROFLNOPE.
@hallamfm Looks like Kevin has had too much Bacon!— Nenah Falsone (@NenahBakesCakes) May 6, 2015
Kevin "Too Much" Bacon. http://t.co/J9Xb1svc30— JoséCisnerosEstrada (@jogucies) May 6, 2015
And by the time the bazillionth person tweeted a joke about Bacon's presumed bacon-eating habits, we all just looked at our computer screens kind of sadly and wondered when the internet, a world of creativity and new horizons, got so predictable.
Listen, internet, we all know you can do better than this. We know the Kevin-Bacon-ate-too-much-bacon joke was easy, and we're guilty of going for that low-hanging fruit sometimes. But it's time for us all to step up our game. We can do better, internet. We can.
And Kevin Bacon, we feel you. You're no Hollow Man. You're the size of A Few Good Men... combined. And if our foot were loose, we'd have trouble exercising, too.
See how easy it is? See?! Now, internet, go forth and make Kevin Bacon jokes that aren't so damn predictable.
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