They don't get paid as much, they don't get to tell their own stories, they become invisible over the age of 40, whine whine whine. It's about time someone pointed out those who are really suffering: Men.
The Make It Fair Project, led by actress Patricia Noonan and writers Emily Tarver and Nadia Quinn, has released a video — which, can I point out, features zero male voices — with statistics so upsetting you have to see it to believe it.
That's right. Only 93 percent of popular films in recent years were directed by men. And male actors make up only 70 percent of the speaking roles in film.
Seriously. That means 3 out of 10 speaking roles go to women. And they're complaining? They even get to be naked twice as often.
These statistics come from the Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media, which I'm not sure is even fair considering the entire organization is run by a woman. One study points out that men in America actually have it better than in other countries. In Germany, women make up 35 percent of the speaking roles, and Korean men get only 50 percent of their country's leads.
When women are allowed to write and direct films, the number of women on screen goes up significantly. If men want to get to 100 percent, they should look into making it harder for women to hold those positions. At the moment, they're just too accessible.
You would think men on the internet would appreciate this movement, but there's been a bit of a backlash. "Maybe these women should go to movie school and direct one themselves instead of whining," pens one enlightened fellow. Let's stop and consider the idea that men are just inherently better than women at acting and directing. Because without a penis, what are you even thinking you can accomplish, ladies? You can't go balls to the wall when you don't have them.
This won't stop Quinn et al on their mission. "Men should have it all!" the comedy writer tells Jezebel. "It makes total sense based on the true facts and information... you know? We're almost there! 100 percent for men or bust, as far as I'm concerned!"
If you're not an actress or other Hollywood player, you might be wondering how you can make a difference in the resurrection of the long-dead patriarchy. "Apologize for your ideas, talent and ambition," Noonan explains. "Hold back. Don't tell your stories or run for office. Oh! And don't support each other," she concludes. I hear what she's saying, but I would feel more comfortable following through if it were a man giving me orders.
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