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Empire: 23 Times Cookie threw shade and made us feel unworthy

Rita Loiacono is an Australian entertainment news junkie who has been obsessed with TV and celebrities ever since she wrote a fan letter to Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen at the age of seven. These days, she takes the day off work to watch t...

In honor of tonight's Empire finale, enjoy all 23 of Cookie's best Season 1 burns

If you're a character on Empire and you're within a two-foot radius of Cookie Lyon, better get some ice, because chances are, ya burnt. And if you have no idea what we're talking about, what the hell have you been doing for these last few months?

More: Taraji P. Henson's explanation of Empire's success is completely on point

In honor of tonight's Season 1 finale of Empire, the show that is smashing records and leaving them in its wake, we're paying tribute to the show's breakout character — and our shade-throwing idol. Here are 23 times Cookie took the verbal burn and made it a veritable art form.

1. That time she had a pretty spot-on nickname for Anika

In honor of tonight's Empire finale, enjoy all 23 of Cookie's best Season 1 burns

Image: Giphy

Of all the things Cookie has called Boo Boo Kitty, this might be our fave.

2. That time she used some descriptors straight to Anika's face

In honor of tonight's Empire finale, enjoy all 23 of Cookie's best Season 1 burns

Image: PopSugar

Cookie: 782,491. Anika: Big fat zero.

3. That time Cookie outlined the separation of church and state

In honor of tonight's Empire finale, enjoy all 23 of Cookie's best Season 1 burns

Image: Tumblr

Cookie is the state, you guys. And her constitution is one that will see a generation of children actually pay attention in history class.

4. When she gave us the inside scoop on how infrastructure works

In honor of tonight's Empire finale, enjoy all 23 of Cookie's best Season 1 burns

Image: Tumblr

And she pretty much made the streets seem like the more desirable option.

5. When she had no time for pleasantries

In honor of tonight's Empire finale, enjoy all 23 of Cookie's best Season 1 burns

Image: Tumblr

Cookie got straight onto that basketball court and blitzed through Vernon's defense. NBA teams are looking to draft her.

More: Why Jamal Lyon's story line is heartbreaking

6. When Lucious was legit lucky

In honor of tonight's Empire finale, enjoy all 23 of Cookie's best Season 1 burns

Image: Tumblr

But we kinda wanted her to feel like a scene, because we know she would have shut it down and we like watching her do that.

More: Empire isn't for white America — it's for us

7. When she contributed wisdom to a business meeting

In honor of tonight's Empire finale, enjoy all 23 of Cookie's best Season 1 burns

Image: Tumblr

Well, that settles that, then.

8. When she had a conversation with the lord

In honor of tonight's Empire finale, enjoy all 23 of Cookie's best Season 1 burns

Image: Giphy

And she selflessly asked for things for others and not just for herself.

9. When she had that showdown with Naomi Campbell

In honor of tonight's Empire finale, enjoy all 23 of Cookie's best Season 1 burns

Image: Tumblr

And for the first time in the history of people fighting with Naomi, our money wasn't on Naomi.

10. That time she didn't even say anything

In honor of tonight's Empire finale, enjoy all 23 of Cookie's best Season 1 burns

Image: Tumblr

And Anika still had to get the burn cream.

11. The first time in history anyone has grabbed and slapped their own ass and we thought it was a legitimate move

In honor of tonight's Empire finale, enjoy all 23 of Cookie's best Season 1 burns

Image: Tumblr

Can't argue with the woman — that is, indeed, an ass.

12. When she expressed a preference

In honor of tonight's Empire finale, enjoy all 23 of Cookie's best Season 1 burns

Image: Giphy

But that preference was laced with the kind of shade that could save the whole planet from unprecedented levels of sun exposure due to global warming. Basically, Cookie has the ability to provide a significant worldwide service.

13. When she made stuttering a language we wanted to learn

In honor of tonight's Empire finale, enjoy all 23 of Cookie's best Season 1 burns

Image: MovieTVTechGeeks

No GIF will ever do the delivery of this line justice.

14. When she was courteous enough to provide a reminder

In honor of tonight's Empire finale, enjoy all 23 of Cookie's best Season 1 burns

Image: Tumblr

But it seemed insane that anyone would forget to do something we've been doing since the moment Cookie graced our screens.

15. When she explained to Lucious how things were going to go

In honor of tonight's Empire finale, enjoy all 23 of Cookie's best Season 1 burns

Image: Tumblr

Cookie's rhyming abilities are unparalleled. Dr. Seuss has conceded the crown.

16. When she dished out a whopping helping of the truth

In honor of tonight's Empire finale, enjoy all 23 of Cookie's best Season 1 burns

Image: Tumblr

That sound you hear? Oh, that's just the sound of kindling from Cookie's ultimate burn.

17. When she rolled her eyes and it was E.P.I.C.
In honor of tonight's Empire finale, enjoy all 23 of Cookie's best Season 1 burns

Image: PopSugar

BRB, just filling out an enrollment form for Cookie's School of Eye-Rolling.

18. That time Camilla told Cookie she wasn't one of her "jailbird mates"

In honor of tonight's Empire finale, enjoy all 23 of Cookie's best Season 1 burns

Image: PopSugar

And we kinda wanted the two of them to end up in jail together so Cookie could show Camilla who's boss. Cookie Is the New Orange Is the New Black, anyone?

19. That time we entertained the idea of Cookie being in charge of who goes up and who goes down

In honor of tonight's Empire finale, enjoy all 23 of Cookie's best Season 1 burns

Image: PopSugar

To be honest with you, if St. Peter turns out to be St. Cookie, it won't at all surprise us. In fact, it would seem like a pretty logical job for Cookie.

20. When she pointed out Lucious' growth

In honor of tonight's Empire finale, enjoy all 23 of Cookie's best Season 1 burns

Image: BuzzFeed

Well, it's not at all surprising that a man would grow a vagina, given we know that Cookie was able to grow the largest balls ever seen on television.

21. When she pointed out the obvious

In honor of tonight's Empire finale, enjoy all 23 of Cookie's best Season 1 burns

Image: Giphy

And we were all like, "Um, yeah, dude, what do you mean by 'you people'?"

22. The only time we ever thought it was right and just for someone to say this

In honor of tonight's Empire finale, enjoy all 23 of Cookie's best Season 1 burns

Image: Tumblr

Because, like, he should totally know who Cookie is. Everybody should.

23. That time she said "Bye, Felicia" with the shade of a thousand trees

In honor of tonight's Empire finale, enjoy all 23 of Cookie's best Season 1 burns

Image: Fox

All hail.

Empire's two-hour season finale airs tonight on Fox.

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