The premiere starts off promisingly, with a teaser reel that simultaneously makes me want to shotgun a beer and apologize to my parents for all the things I used to do in muddy Southern fields.
Lyle Boudreaux promises Season 3 will deliver, saying, "You're about to experience some fun." He joins the other Louisi-animals — Tiffany, Lauren and Mattie — and they're off to their new home away from home in Bilox, Mississippi.
Ryan "Daddy" and Josh Murray are the first to arrive at the house, which Daddy describes as "the Playboy Mansion of the South." They share a bro hug of manly proportions and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. And sweaty. It makes me feel a little sweaty, too.
It isn't long before the Louisi-animals arrive, whooping, hollerin' and duck callin', as country folk tend to do (we come by it honestly).
Walt, "Old Dad" aka "Mr. September," isn't far behind. Once the gang is all there and rooms are divvied up, everyone makes their way out to, uh, the bar. Naturally.
There, they address the big elephant in the room this season. And by big, I clearly mean little... as in Lil Bit, the pint-sized party girl (and fan favorite) who toyed with Daddy's emotions last season.
Since a quick Google search will reveal a sweet little pumpkin-themed "We're expecting!" announcement, it seems safe to say the now-pregnant Little Bit has parted ways with the show for good.
According to SallyAnn Salsano, 495 Productions president and founder and creator/executive producer of Party Down South, that's basically the gist of it — but it isn't necessarily bad news. "We address it, but then we move on," she tells us. "Honestly, this season is our best yet. It keeps getting crazier and better."
Well, I sure like the sound of that.
And based on what transpires over the hour-long premiere, I don't doubt it for one second. For starters, Daddy breaks out a brand new funnel he's been working on for mixed drinks, which allows you to fill the double funnel with your ingredients — and down the hatch they go.
I don't think I could respond to this news any better than Murray. "You can suck it, Ben Franklin — we don't need your electricity," he insists. "We've got drinking apparatuses." I can't wait to see the shenanigans the crew can get into with a tool that helps them get blitzed twice as fast.
Boudreaux realizes he could potentially be facing some problems with the house's spiral staircase, Daddy doesn't know what state he is in other than "a state of drunkness" and Walt tries to teach Tiffany how to properly call a duck.
"You got yer wood duck; you got yer teal; you got yer canvas back... mallards," he explains. He's like Bubba from Forrest Gump. But, you know, with ducks instead of shrimp.
Tiffany and Daddy waste no time making things complicated. After fighting about Lil Bit, they make up and end up in bed together. Tiffany leaves his bed before daylight even hits the house and later is adamant the two just "cuddle-whored."
What say you, Salsano? "Well, only time will tell," she hints. "It's not the first and won't be the last." Hmm, sounds intriguing.
But, ultimately, the gang can't really kick off this season without figuring out whether Lil Bit plans to pop in at any moment. To that effect, Mattie makes one last call. Still, no dice.
Then, the very thing that could change the course of the entire season happens — Mattie decides to invite her friend, Hannah "Hott Dogg," to be the house's eighth member. It seemed like a super-fast decision, but was it really that cut and dry?
"It was really kind of that quick," Salsano says. "We met her behind the scenes, but the cast and Mattie didn't know for sure she would be joining until she moved in." As for what swayed them in favor of the pretty 27-year-old brunette from the Louisiana Bayou, that's easy.
"Who doesn't love a good 'hott dogg'?" teases Salsano.
When Hott Dogg shows up — wearing wedges at 3 o'clock in the afternoon, no less — Lauren and Tiffany seem less than thrilled. The guys on the other hand? Well, let's just say we'll be hearing a whole lotta hot dog puns over the next two months.
Salsano agrees that the fellas have no shame. "Oh, my God, the girls, well... they are girls. And, yes, the guys have no shame in their very obvious game. Men!" she says, laughing.
Walt wastes no time busting out a bit of the Old Dad charm, firing up the grill to cook for Hott Dogg and offering to carry her luggage up the stairs (after Daddy and Murray spent a paltry portion of the day throwing the other girls' luggage at the second floor balcony to little avail).
Daddy impressively manages to pull himself directly out of a drunk stupor with come-ons intact and it's clear he and Walt will by vying to see who can "bang" their hot new housemate first.
Says Walt, "I've got a feelin' something's gonna happen... this summer could be interesting." Oh, yeah. We're counting on that.
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