Did Kim Kardashian's Vaselined ass on the cover of Paper magazine's #BreakTheInternet issue really break the internet? Nah. But it did manage to keep everyone sufficiently distracted/scarred for days. It's just so round. And big. And, uh, shiny.
It's not as though Kim Kardashian is coy, exactly. We've essentially seen most of her lady bits, albeit usually artfully covered (by something other than an imaginary censor bar). But when she went full-frontal for the mag, we were wholly unprepared to see the Tush's bush — or lack thereof.
Not only was the third released picture in the installment any less shocking, we seriously couldn't believe Kardashian could get any more overexposed than she already was.
You know what was even better than the picture of Kardashian popping a cork and catching champagne on her ass? Watching the BuzzFeed gang try to recreate the moment and learning — in divinely sloppy fashion — that the moment can't be recreated. It's an illusion... one we now have to live with forever.
Granted, it isn't the weirdest thing we've seen Miley Cyrus lick. Still, when the star shared a shot of herself slipping the MTV VMA moon man some tongue, it just felt... icky. That can't be sanitary, right?
Madonna has never been one to back away from controversy. In fact, she generally tackles it head-on — or, in this case, armpit-on. The queen of pop shared a hairy selfie earlier in the year and, while we respect her right to ditch the razors, it'd be super if we didn't have to see her pit hair in our feed.
You know how when camera flash fires and it's too bright and every time you blink you see little squares? That's pretty much how we felt after Nicki Minaj passed along the image for her new hit, "Anaconda." Except instead of little square flashes, all we could see were Minaj's ample, um, assets.
Was it the fact that Justin Bieber was sporting the start of that creepy 'stache that makes this pic so unpalatable for us? Or perhaps the fact that he is cozied up to Kris Jenner? Let's see — yes and yes. But, mostly, it was his skeevy caption: "@kendaljenner @kyliejenner who's your daddy." Ew.
Candy canes? Santa? Pepperoni pizza? Elvis? How could Miley Cyrus manage to defile so many of our favorite things with one teensy little Instagram post? Sensory overload... cannot compute. Here's hoping we can wipe this from our mental hard drives in the new year.
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