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Here's that Benedict Cumberbatch vibrator you never asked for

Theresa Edwards

by

Shark Wrestler

Theresa Edwards is a freelance writer and professional whiner. She lives in Dallas, Texas with her family where she enjoys reading, roller derby, and complaining about the heat.

You'll never believe what this company did with Benedict Cumberbatch's face

There's nothing wrong with enthusiastic fandom, but does this 3-D printed vibrator take it a little too far?

Ever look at Benedict Cumberbatch's devastating face and piercing eyes and think, "Golly, I sure wish I had a Cumberbatch-shaped vibrator to get down with?"

No?

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Well, someone did, because that weird-looking bust up there is a Sherlock-shaped vibrator, and it is taking basically all of my strength to not make hilarious Cumberbatch jokes, like that one right there. Can you blame me? Take a look at the video, wherein a blue blob that vaguely resembles the actor's head buzzes and rotates just long enough to be uncomfortable.

B3D HEAD from Zander Whitehurst on Vimeo.

It's the brainchild of a Zander Whitehurst, who's behind a product called B3DHEAD, which will allow you to have your own custom vibrator made from any picture you choose. The concept behind the product is to keep partners in long-distance relationships — ahem — in touch: 

"B3D HEAD is the first 3D printed personalised (sic) vibrator. Our concept of personal pleasure toys stems from long-distance relationships. Even if you are continents apart, you can now give head to your loved one, with your own head."

Maybe it's just me, but this is basically the opposite of sexy, as far as I'm concerned. It's one thing to have your partner's equipment duplicated, if that's your thing, but a teeny-tiny replica of their head? It also doesn't look particularly comfortable or conducive to pleasure, but hey, to each their own.

An approved list of things that can go in the vagina

I wonder what it must feel like, as a celebrity, to know that someone, somewhere, is replicating your face into a little shrunken head vibrator to get off to. I would imagine that it would fall somewhere on the spectrum of "vaguely flattering" to "horrifyingly creepy."

You'll never believe what this company did with Benedict Cumberbatch's facePhoto credit: Giphy.com

The whole thing opens up a slew of unanswered questions. Questions like: Does Cumberbatch get residuals from the company if his face is in high demand for solo fun time? And, what happens if someone finds your Khan-shaped sex toy? Do you try to explain yourself or just play it off like it's a figurine? Finally, who can I talk to about getting this shaped like Steve Buscemi and sending it to someone I hate?

Barbara Walters reveals her vibrator's name

If you happen to want a battery-operated celebrity boyfriend, or a vibrator shaped like anyone you love, all you have to do is send the company a few pictures or somehow convince your loved one to use the company's slightly sinister sounding "crisp head scanner" and bam, they'll send you a 2-inch (!) by 1-inch (!!) vibrating replica of your model.

Whitehurst hopes to have the products launched by Valentine's Day of next year, so it's time to start thinking about whose tiny face you'd like to masturbate with. Or to. Or both, I guess.

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