If Bruce Jenner wants to chase away those pesky rumors about transforming into a woman, he could grow out a mustache — or not. He could also stop getting plastic surgery that makes him look like a woman, stop wearing ponytails and ditch the diamond earrings.
Adam Levine makes the ladies swoon with his casual T-shirts, jeans and bad-boy tattoos. His face is a chiseled work of art, right up until you plant some fur on his upper lip. Do you think he would have landed model wife, Behati Prinsloo, with this disaster atop his mouth? Probs not.
Think there is no way to mar the rugged handsomeness of Magic Mike star, Channing Tatum? Guess again. There is nothing magical about Tatum with a mustache. Yuck.
It looks like Gwyneth Paltrow (and now Jennifer Lawrence) aren't the only things Chris Martin should consciously uncouple from (we're sure the day will come when we tire of making fun of these two for coining that phrase, but that day isn't here yet). Martin should also consciously not couple with facial hair.
Rock legend, Elton John, knows his way around the music industry, but unless he wants to give Madonna more ammunition against him, he'd better steer clear of the scruff.
How do you take an adorable man and beloved character and turn him into a Charlie Chaplin lookalike? Just add a thick (and slightly crooked) 'stache.
One of Hollywood's most handsome husbands, George Clooney, becomes the slightly lecherous baker from the corner bakery with this ridiculous mess on his face.
We know and love Jack Nicholson for being a badass — in a good way. But you give him a mustache and he looks like the angry old guy in your neighborhood who randomly screams at innocent children for walking in front of his house. Not good, not good at all.
Jay Z may be living every guy's dream as Mr. Beyoncé, but this hairy lip hat isn't doing him any favors. Why does this make us think that if Eddie Murphy and Lionel Richie had a love child, he would look like Jay Z does in this picture?
Look how Jimmy Fallon goes from being a lovable, hilarious late-night host, to looking like a guy we'd shelter our kids from, with just the quick addition of a creepy 'stache and soul patch. Fallon should never, ever, grow out a mustache.
We'll admit, we thought there was no way we could mess up the genetic masterpiece that is Matt Bomer's face. We were wrong. With this lip accessory, Bomer looks like a Harvard trustee baby who spends too much time talking about his parents' home in the Hamptons.
Speaking of Matts who should not get a lip mat, Matt Damon looks like one of those motorcycle mechanics who you think are cool and you think you can trust, but you're not quite sure.
Have you ever noticed how much a guy ages during a presidency? These guys come into office looking good for their age and, a couple years later, they have more gray in their hair than you can shake a stick at. For this reason, we gave Barack Obama a gray beard and, as you can see, it does nothing for him.
We had so much fun adding gray to Obama's beard, so we went right ahead and gave the spare heir, Prince Harry, red facial hair. As with the president, we'd have to say that hunky Harry is better off with the beard off.
It would appear that mustaches-gone-wrong runs in the family. Can you imagine Prince William meeting heads of state, diplomats and dignitaries with this fright on his face? Neither can we.
You know what Pharrell's goofy Smokey Bear hats really don't need? A goofy mustache to go with them.
Robin Thicke doesn't look hideous with the Pharrell 'stache which, in and of itself, is alarming. If you look good with a cartoon mustache, that's just not right. We think Thicke's mustache makes him look like he's become a professional at blurring lines.
How do you screw up one of the most flawless faces in Hollywood? Slap a Fu Manchu on it, with a side of soul patch. Ryan Seacrest is such a perfect specimen — there's at least a 50 percent chance he's an alien — and, as we all know, aliens can't grow facial hair. In the case of Seacrest, it would appear less is best — we don't love this Fu Man-ew.
The wacky things Tom Cruise sometimes says, coupled with his maniacal laugh, makes us sometimes wonder about his mental well-being. If he walked around sporting this facial feature, we would wonder no more.
Zac Efron has donned facial hair on occasion, but nothing quite like this. He has a face that is almost impossible to mess up, but this lumberjack beard makes him look like a hipster doofus. We only recommend this look for Efron if he goes "looking for sushi" in south Los Angeles again and needs to blend in a bit better, or if he needs to sub in for Zach Galifianakis in "Between Two Ferns."
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