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O.J. Simpson's not the only man rumored to be Khloé Kardashian's biological dad

Kat Hobza resides in sunny Western Montana. She is the Senior Authoress Specializing in Sarcasm at www.funnyfreelance.com. Okay, she’s the only authoress at funny freelance. When she’s not formulating tongue-in-cheek ideas and content as...

When are people going to realize that Khloé Kardashian’s dad is Elvis Presley?

OK, so Khloé Kardashian doesn't resemble her siblings the way the rest of her siblings resemble each other, but does that mean she doesn't have the same biological father as Kim, Kourtney and Rob Kardashian? Of course it does. It would appear the media will not rest until it solves this DNA quandary.

Rumors have plagued Khloé for years, pointing to just about every man that was ever in her mom's life as a potential pop. Most recently, rumors that O.J. Simpson sired the famous maybe-not-a-Kardashian — Simpson's former prison guard buddy insisted that Khloé begged him for a paternity test, but he refused.

But Simpson clearly isn't Khloé real father. We have exclusively determined that Elvis is Khloé's dad, and we have the photographic evidence to prove it. Let's examine the other potential candidates first.

When are people going to realize that Khloé Kardashian’s dad is Elvis Presley?
Image: Adriana M. Barraza/WENN, WENN

Lionel Richie

InTouch magazine, known for its "inside sources," has recently pinned the Khloé Kardashian paternity tail on the Lionel Richie donkey. An unnamed source told the mag that Khloé's mom, Kris Jenner, had an affair with Richie in the '80s (because he's easy like Sunday morning — sorry, couldn't resist). Says the source, "They had a sexual affair — he bragged about it. He said he was on the outs with his wife at the time. Everyone was sleeping around with everyone else back then, and Kris was hot in those days." That's pretty compelling proof, but we think our photo above provides irrefutable evidence that Richie is not Khloé's dad. There is zero resemblance between these two.

More: Lionel Richie wrote his hit track "Lady" on the loo

When are people going to realize that Khloé Kardashian’s dad is Elvis Presley?
Image: Adriana M. Barraza, Lee Celano/Wire Image/Getty Images

Robert Kardashian

Speaking of zero resemblance, Khloé doesn't look a thing like the man who is supposed to be her biological father, the late attorney Robert Kardashian. From his hairline to his chin, there isn't a single feature you can pinpoint on this man that his daughter inherited. In fairness, none of the other Kardashian offspring look much like him, either. (And yes, before you ask, we deliberately chose an older picture of Khloé — before she started doing weird things to her face so she'd look more like Kim — in an attempt to better formulate our highly scientific and spot-on genetic analysis.)

More: Are Kim and Khloé Kardashian trying to out-Kim each other?

When are people going to realize that Khloé Kardashian’s dad is Elvis Presley?
Image: Adriana M. Barraza/WENN, Ethan Miller/Getty Images

O.J. Simpson

What is this, genetics amateur hour? Any DNA dummy can see that O.J. Simpson and Khloé do not share a shred of genetic coding. InTouch magazine interviewed Norman Pardo, Simpson's former manager. Pardo told the mag, "They all took their vacations together. There was a lot of partying going on back then." Not only that, but according to the Daily Mail, a prison guard who knew O.J. Simpson claims that Khloé begged him for a paternity test. "One day I could hear Khloé screaming in the phone. He said she was upset because she wanted him to take a paternity test, because the media is all over him, to see if O.J. is her actual dad — and O.J. told her no."

More: Wait, is that Kris Jenner? Bruce Jenner spotted with a look-alike

When are people going to realize that Khloé Kardashian’s dad is Elvis Presley?
Image: Adriana M. Barraza/WENN, Supplied by WENN

Elvis

Yes, we're aware that Elvis Presley died in 1977 and Khloé was born in 1984, but these pictures don't lie. Someone somewhere in the Kardashian bloodline slept with Elvis at some point in time (Jenner's mother, perhaps, or grandmother?) and passed on the King's genes to Khloé. Preposterous, you say? Perhaps. But if we're going to make far-fetched claims about who Khloé's “real” father is, can the alleged sperm donor at least resemble Khloé in some remote fashion? At least Khloé has the same eyes, nose and lips as Elvis.

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

When are people going to realize that Khloé Kardashian’s dad is Elvis Presley?
Image: Nicki Nelson/WENN
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