This is Teresa Giudice's response when Andy Cohen asks if she thinks she'd be going to jail if she had never done The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Don't worry, super fans, she'll clarify that answer in a bit. (As if it needs clarification — in this situation, "I'm not going to answer that" means "Yes.")
Probably the biggest takeaway for viewers of this two-part interview is that Teresa should not be allowed to use writing implements with ink in them. Even though most people who have even a nodding acquaintance with bankruptcy know you have to disclose all your assets to satisfy your debts. Teresa did not. She didn't know that to be absolved of all debt you have to first satisfy as many of those debts as possible with the liquidation of all assets. Bankruptcy isn't granted to people who have millions of dollars in assets. This is a little thing we like to call "math."
Teresa wasn't done with this topic however. She went on to say...
If you're wondering what that squishy sound is, it's the Giudices' accountant, under the bus. Don't worry, he's got company under there. The Giudices' attorneys are with him.
Uh-oh, trouble in felony paradise rears its head when Joe tries to explain why the couple only claimed $25,000 in furnishings for their $3 million house. Teresa snaps at him, "I'm speaking." She clearly doesn't feel Joe can adequately explain the concept of depreciation.
Teresa barks at Joe again when both of them falter on why they did not pay the $200,000 they owe the court. Maybe Teresa was frustrated with Joe when he mumbled, "I had it set up, and then I don't know what happened. I mean, whatever. I mean it was there, I just, I don't know." No wonder these guys are in financial trouble! Evidently, they live in some sort of bizarre vortex where hundreds of thousands of dollars just disappear!
This is Joe's answer to Cohen's question about the possibility of Joe being deported after he serves time. We hate to be the ones to point this out, but it may be this very mind-set that got Joe in trouble the first time. Perhaps Teresa asked him a few years ago, "Hey Joe, what's going to happen when the bank realizes we falsified information on our loan application?" Did Joe answer, "I'm gonna worry about that when the time comes"?
This is one of our favorite quotes, and it doesn't come from the Giudices. It comes from Cohen after a choked up Joe says he'd do 10 years in jail to see his deceased dad again. It's apparent that Cohen is being sincere when after a heavy pause he says, "That's nice," but he comes off just a hair sarcastic. It's interview gold.
Joe tells Cohen this after he admits to drinking two to four bottles of wine at night so he can sleep. Later, Joe muddies the conversation by saying, "I don't have a problem." Teresa tells Joe he is seeing someone for his drinking (a fact Joe must have forgotten).
We know it's snarky to point this out, but come on. How can we not make this part of a collection of our favorite quotes from the second half of Cohen's interview? "Textes"? You can't pay for that stuff. Teresa tells Cohen she didn't open (RHONJ costar) Jacqueline Laurita's text after the trial because she got so many textes. (It's kind of fun to say. Should we all make this a thing?)
Teresa, who seems hell-bent on making cluelessness a religion, thinks the scrutiny from being on television adversely affects her other businesses. Oh, honey. It's the scrutiny that comes with being a felon that affects your businesses. People are weird about doing business with crooks. And we'll just go ahead and point out that Teresa wouldn't have all those other businesses if she weren't a TV personality.
The interview ends with Joe apologizing to Teresa, and Teresa apologizing to everyone she's let down. We're highly anticipating how Bravo will spin this couple's troubles. Can't you just see it now? "Teresa in jail: Denial is the new black," or "Trading places: Joe on his own."
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