Being a member of the Pussycat Dolls may not be as glamorous as it looks, and Nicole Scherzinger is opening up about how far she was willing to go to stay thin. The former X Factor judge is talking about her battle with bulimia and how she suffered silently for eight years before finally asking for help.
"I had such a great life on the outside, the Dolls were on top of the world, but I was miserable on the inside," she told Cosmopolitan U.K. for their August issue. "I'm never letting that happen again."
Scherzinger first admitted she had an eating disorder back in 2012, but said it is still a daily struggle for her.
"It is such a horrible, paralyzing disease and it was such a dark time for me," she said, via People. "I didn't think anyone knew in my group or in my family because I hid it that well, I was so ashamed. I knew it wasn't normal or healthy because I was hurting myself through this cycle of disordered eating. It was my drug, my addiction. It's an endless vicious cycle."
The dancer said she finally decided she needed help when it started to affect her job. She would black out while on tour, and said she "had started losing my voice, I couldn't sing at shows, and then I remember my manager finding me passed out on the floor in Malta or in the south of France. I thought, 'I'm going to lose everything I love if I don't love myself.'"
Scherzinger is still on the road to recovery, but said she is healthy now. She is in a happy relationship with Formula 1 racer Lewis Hamilton and said it is what is making her happy these days.
"Well, it's something crazy romantic," she said. "Relationships are hard and having to hold a long-distance relationship is even harder... But I'm good and I'm happy."
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