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Recent quotes prove Farrah Abraham needs to stop talking

Kat Hobza resides in sunny Western Montana. She is the Senior Authoress Specializing in Sarcasm at www.funnyfreelance.com. Okay, she’s the only authoress at funny freelance. When she’s not formulating tongue-in-cheek ideas and content as...

Cease and desist

Ugh. Whoever is in charge of Farrah Abraham's audio equipment, will you please do society a favor and turn off her mic? Don't worry — based on the moronic things she says, we don't think she'd even notice. Here's a summary of her latest doozies.

Farrah Abraham

Photo credit: WENN

"Kind of single"

Farrah Abraham has "authored" a trilogy of erotic books (just, yuck) and is on the PR trail to share her unique brand of wisdom. Lord save us all. She told Fox News, "I really enjoy at this time of my life writing about sex. I think it's because I'm 22, and kind of single." Disjointed grammar notwithstanding, what the hell is she talking about? She really enjoys writing about sex (her fast and loose use of the word "writing" is an insult to writers everywhere) because she got down and dirty with the porn industry's biggest male star — James Deen — and consequently she's getting paid cash for trash. Her age and dating status have nothing to do with it.

MTV says bye to Farrah Abraham due to porn career >>

Before we abandon this quote that makes Abraham look like a poorly programmed alien robot put here to irritate real humans, we'd love to ask how the Teen Mom star defines "kind of single." What does that mean? You're either dating or you're not. You're either involved in a relationship, or you're not. It's like that old joke about being "kind of pregnant."

Farrah Abraham

Photo credit: WENN

She's not a porn star

In the same interview, Abraham went on to say, "Personally, making a sex tape, and that's all I've ever done, that's not being a porn star. I live a very different life than what adult entertainers live, so I can't help what the public perceives." Poor Farrah, having to tolerate what the misinformed public perceives. How dare the public assume that because she filmed a feature length movie having sex with Mr. Porn (James Deen) that she's a porn star? For the public's information, Abraham would like you to know that what she did was a "celebrity sex tape."

Celebrity sex tapes: A complete list >>

Oh, OK. The problem with that logic is that celebrity sex tapes (like Kim Kardashian's and Pamela Anderson's) are the result of people who are dating, having sex and filming it for their own personal use (allegedly). We all saw the Pamela Anderson/Tommy Lee tape — we'd venture a guess that they'd both do a few things differently if they thought it was going to be consumed by millions. By all accounts (specifically Deen's) Abraham and Deen weren't dating at the time the "celebrity sex tape" was made.

With regard to living a different life from that of porn stars, Abraham makes appearances at porn-related events, has a line of sex toys and has written erotica. How, exactly, is that unlike the life of a porn star?

Farrah Abraham

Photo credit: Michael Carpenter/WENN

Throwing porn under the bus

In a recent interview with The Huffington Post, Abraham continues her feeble attempt to distance herself from the porn industry. "A celebrity sex tape to me, outshines any other porn star, and any other person who makes porn. Lots of my friends make sex tapes. They can't say, 'Oh my God, I made a celebrity sex tape,' and nobody even knows about it. So there's a huge difference. And that's just what society made of it. It's not me, I don't make these definitions, it's just obvious." We'll pause here for a couple of burning questions. Abraham has friends? We're going to need a list of names and addresses to confirm that, please. Also, does Abraham have any idea what "obvious" means? It's obvious that she doesn't.

If you don't want your daughter to turn out like celebrity train wrecks, read this >>

Cease and desist

After Abraham told InTouch that she was "drugged and raped more than once" while promoting her un-porno, the producers of the tape — Vivid — issued a cease and desist letter reminding Abraham of a confidentiality agreement. Where can society get one of those? We'd like a cease and desist order that keeps Abraham from opening her mouth and talking.

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