Once upon a time, I was a menace. I was a parent's worst nightmare, complete with black lipstick and cigarettes. Luckily, I had super-cool parents who did not send me to boarding school. Instead, they supported me and loved me — Kurt Cobain T-shirts and all.
Humor has kept my family going over the past three decades since my illustrious birth. Let's face it: life taken seriously is a life not lived. This Father's Day, it's time to repay Dad for all the broken curfews, bad boyfriends and prom date disasters.
The best way to make someone feel loved? Make them laugh. So, here's a roundup of the best bathroom books for Dad to tickle his funny bone and hopefully make him forget about that time you TP-ed the principal's house and got caught.
Sure, Dad already knows everything, but in case he ever forgets how to make smoke signals in the wilderness, this is the book for him. The Worst-Case Scenario books have been around awhile, but this one's got it all, from avoiding a stampede to tackling tidal waves. Turn your dad into Indiana Jones with this must-have for all men of the adventurous variety.
All the things you've ever learned were lies. OK, maybe not everything, but we're sort of ignorant about an awful lot of stuff — and this book calls us out. True, it's annoying when Dad beats you in Jeopardy!, but this book is still pretty cool. It's like Trivial Pursuit with explanations of all the answers. You never know when Dad might get into a back-alley brawl and be forced to answer the question, "What's the tallest mountain in the world?" Clue: It ain't Everest.
Grown men in Boy Scout uniforms are weird. So are old ladies with really, really long hair. You've thought it before. So has my dad, who used to judge girls' outfits when I was in college. Comedy writer Bickel defines what makes everyday things creepy, including extensive photographs to make his point plain. He even rates things on a creepiosity meter. For instance: "Band-Aids that were once affixed to someone's body but now aren't: 7.454." Ewww. Creepy.
Every man should know the answer to this question, Dad included. I mean, really, why do men have nipples? This book is chock-full of questions you would never ask your doctor unless you were really drunk. (Although, it once took my dad only two margaritas to ask our family doctor about a strange mole while standing in the middle of a Mexican restaurant.) There's some useful stuff in here, seriously. Like, is the old adage "beer before liquor, never sicker" really true? Or could you lose a contact lens inside your head forever? Important things for any man to know. Really, this book could save Dad's life.
Child-at-heart creator of The Simpsons Matt Groening created a comic strip years ago called Life in Hell. There is a whole series of these Hell books, filled with Groening's visual interpretations of everything from work to love to, of course, childhood. I feel this compendium is most fitting for fathers everywhere, because if Dad can't laugh at the weird things kids do (peeing in toy boxes, vomiting down the back of an expensive suit), Dad is in big trouble.
Father knows best, right? Here's some spectacular evidence of just that fact. In this book, Lileks has collected some of the most inappropriate and incorrect parental advice from the 1940s and '50s. Enjoy a literary and visual feast of moms who used to lather their babies in oil and put them in the sun. And don't forget baby laxatives. Raising kids was simpler back in the day, right? Or maybe it was just way, way wrong. Either way, Dad can enjoy this one, laugh at things past and hopefully be reminded that Benadryl is not pretty pink candy to give kids before bed.
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