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Did Lady Gaga's G.U.Y. make you say W.H.Y.? Read this

Kat Hobza resides in sunny Western Montana. She is the Senior Authoress Specializing in Sarcasm at www.funnyfreelance.com. Okay, she’s the only authoress at funny freelance. When she’s not formulating tongue-in-cheek ideas and content as...

Artflop?

We've seen it a thousand times, kids. A talent becomes famous, surrounds him or herself with yes-men and then starts doing whatever they want, knowing no one will have the stones to tell them "no." Lately, Lady Gaga thinks she can do whatever she wants as long as she slaps the word "Artpop" on it.
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Let us save you 7 minutes and 43 seconds.

"G.U.Y." opens up with businessmen and businesswomen scrambling for money that is falling from the sky.

GUY Lady Gaga
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Next, we see Lady Gaga as a wounded bird crawling
out of a grave.

Um, OK.

PHOTO: Lady Gaga goes topless for Versace >>

GUY Lady Gaga

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Still, with the wounded bird.

(There are a couple of agonizing minutes with a "wounded bird.")

GUY Lady Gaga

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Here, Gaga spreads her wings and tries to act.

(Keep the drama to the hair and costumes, please. It's painful.)

GUY Lady Gaga

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Wounded bird collapses in front of a Greek palace.

(Garbage bag dudes pick her up.)

GUY Lady Gaga

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Wounded bird is covered in a ceremonial wreath...

GUY Lady Gaga

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... and buried in the backyard pool.

GUY Lady Gaga

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Meanwhile, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills do this.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills appear in Gaga's new video >>

GUY Lady Gaga

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If G.U.Y. is making you think W.H.Y. right about now, remember this is...

GUY Lady Gaga

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And she's back (as Venus, we think?)

GUY Lady Gaga

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Venus calls on the god of sexual desire.

GUY Lady Gaga

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Who is Andy Cohen?

GUY Lady Gaga

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Cue the synchronized swimmers...

GUY Lady Gaga

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...with a side of male objectification...

(Now we're listening.)

GUY Lady Gaga

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...and a teddy bear cutout.

(Shouldn't some bad dreams just be left in the therapist's office?)

GUY gaga

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Gaga wants to be the G.U.Y. (girl underneath you), then hops on top of this guy.

(We think this is supposed to be sexy, but it's just, well, you decide.)

GUY Lady Gaga

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This is as good a place as any for a random cameo of Jesus...

(who looks completely underwhelmed)

GUY Lady Gaga

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...and Lego lady.

GUY Lady Gaga

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By the time Gaga pulls a Miley Cyrus and writhes and touches herself on a bed, we're so bored and confused, we don't even care.

What do Miley Cyrus, Rihanna and Lady Gaga have in common? >>

GUY Lady Gaga

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Gaga shuts 'er down looking like a blond Kim Kardashian.

GUY Lady gaga

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