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Guys who aren't d***s & other changes The Bachelor needs

Kat Hobza resides in sunny Western Montana. She is the Senior Authoress Specializing in Sarcasm at www.funnyfreelance.com. Okay, she’s the only authoress at funny freelance. When she’s not formulating tongue-in-cheek ideas and content as...

If we're going to keep watching...

Here's what needs to happen. The format of The Bachelor is out of control, and if Chris Harrison expects us to keep watching, he's going to have to make a few changes.

Chris Harrison The Bachelor

Less stating of the obvious

Let's get this most obvious point out of the way first. We've complained before about Chris Harrison stepping out when there is one rose left and announcing that there is one rose left. Just because we have two hours to waste on a Monday night with a mind-numbing guilty pleasure doesn't mean we're stupid. Pathetic, maybe. But not stupid. Also, we don't need the bachelor and/or the girls to point out how beautiful the absurdly exotic locations and dates are. We get it. We can see.

The Bachelor: Are Sharleen and Juan Pablo back on? >> 

Less repetition

Along these same obvious lines, it is enough already with the repetition. If Clare said one more time that she was "falling in love with Juan Pablo" on The Bachelor finale, we were going to lose our s***. Producers, we implore you to stop asking the bachelor and the girls if they can see themselves with the other person for the rest of their lives, because if we hear "I can absolutely see myself with (fill in the blank)" again, we're going to light ourselves on fire. Also, we'd consider it a personal favor as part of the participants' contractual obligations if the words "great," "excited" and "amazing" were stricken from all parties' vocabularies.

Sean Lowe The Bachelor

Bachelors who aren't d***s

How many of us longed for the days of Sean Lowe as he was invited to be a part of the finale's festivities? Lowe was hot, funny, sincere, genuine — pretty much all the things that Juan Pablo isn't. Juan Pablo proved himself to be a total d*** on Monday night's finale of The Bachelor. He was dodgy, hurtful, condescending, offensive, crude, arrogant — and that was just in the first 10 minutes. The only person who appeared to like Juan Pablo in the After the Final Rose show was the girl he ended up choosing — Nikki — and even as the night wore on, she had a look on her face like, "What am I doing with this clown?" Harrison, if you are reading this, let this be your one takeaway — a few more Sean Lowe types, a few less Juan Pablo types. Mmmmk?

Shirtless GIFs: Mourning the loss of Bachelor Sean Lowe >> 

Juan Pablo and Clare The Bachelor

Real-life scenarios

Hit us up top for an air-five if you want to see The Bachelor feature a few more realistic settings and dates. Fantasy is fine if you are writing a book, but it's not OK when you are trying to find lasting love. The participants in this show need to be subjected to a few real-life experiences. They need to go shopping at Walmart together on a Saturday morning after the first of the month and see if they still like each other afterward. They need to babysit a house full of screaming kids for 10 hours straight or have one of the girl's mothers visit them for a few days. A potentially lasting love has to be tested. Give the couple a stack of bills that they don't have any money for and see how they handle that. Have the bachelor and one of his hopefuls sit around his pad all day while he scratches his boys and watches ESPN. If two people still like each other after any of these scenarios, then we've got something we can get behind.

VOTE: Who's the best Bachelor in the history of Bachelors? >> 

This was fun! Wouldn't the world be a better place if we were in charge? (Yes, our tongue is planted firmly in our cheeks). The Bachelor fans, jump in. What are you sick of when it comes to The Bachelor format and what would you like to see changed?

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