Ellen Degeneres ordered pizza for her A-list pals at the 2014 Oscars, then made them all cough up cash to pay the delivery guy. Judging by the wads of cash thrown into Pharrell's hat by the likes of Brad Pitt, Jonah Hill, Steve McQueen and Amy Adams, there's more than enough for three pies. What else could that cash pay for?
A trip to Supercuts for Jared Leto. Jordan Catalano did long hair better, younger.
A new lipgloss for Lupita, who graciously donated her own.
Non-skid soles for Jennifer Lawrence's shoes so she'll stop falling, poor girl.
A razor for Bradley Cooper, so he can shave off that beard. She could even spring for a fancy Mach 5 model. The psuedo-hipster look isn't doing it.
Botox detox for John Travolta.
A big billboard to find the missing George Clooney. Gravity was nominated for, like, everything, but he couldn't show up?
A big payoff to ABC to stop running those ads for their new show Resurrection because, frankly, they are really freaking us out.
Tissues for all the proud moms in attendance! It was totally "Bring your mom to the Oscars" night, and those mamas must have been bursting with pride!
Reconstructive surgery for Cate Blanchett's poor earlobes, which had to have been ripped open by the end of the night by the sheer weight of those ginormous earrings.
A course in brevity for Matthew McConaughey. Good gracious, that man can talk. All right, all right, all right.
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