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Beyoncé vs. P!nk: How to do a music video if you're a mom

Kat Hobza resides in sunny Western Montana. She is the Senior Authoress Specializing in Sarcasm at www.funnyfreelance.com. Okay, she’s the only authoress at funny freelance. When she’s not formulating tongue-in-cheek ideas and content as...

And how not to

There is something that happens after a pop star has a kid that makes us see her music videos through a different lens. We can't help it. It doesn't mean you can't be sexy or push the envelope, but it does mean if you cross the line, we're going to be kind of grossed out. (Warning: Some of these videos are NSFW.)

Pink

The right way to do a post-baby music video

We in no way mean to suggest that women who have had kids are no longer sexy or shouldn't be sexual. But they do have to remember there are other people in their lives to consider in everything they do, and that includes career decisions. Women make decisions every day that weigh their responsibility as a parent against their responsibility to their careers. Here, P!nk gives us a brilliant example of how you can still be sexy and be a mom. Her "Try" video is an awe-inspiring demonstration of athleticism, and the video itself has something more to say other than, "I had a kid and I look awesome in a thong."

Who's hotter: Miley Cyrus vs. P!nk >>

Shakira, "Can't Remember to Forget You"

This video has it all — writhing, scantily clad pop divas, girl-on-girl action. It's weird that unlike other celebs who release racy videos after they've given birth we didn't really think, "Didn't she have a kid?" Rihanna grossed us out in "Pour It Up," but for some reason, this video feels different. Perhaps the distinguishing factor is trash versus taste. You can be provocative without being trashy, and Momma Shakira proves it here.

We GIFed sexy video moves, and the result is hilarious >>

Britney Spears, not so good

We celebrate Britney Spears' comeback. She's working her a** off in Las Vegas and actually made that career choice to keep her kids in one place instead of going on tour and dragging her boys all over the country. We congratulate her for this. We would be remiss though if we didn't say that Spears' attempt to recapture her youthful sex kitten image has sort of missed the mark. The hair is the same, the body is pretty much the same, the costumes are the same, but she's a mother now. So what worked for her in her teens doesn't necessarily work visually for her as a mature adult with young kids. Is it just that once you've had a couple of kids you know what the reality of that looks like, so we're not really buying this image?

Are naked pop stars empowering or degrading to women? >> 

Beyoncé

Beyoncé's new video "Partition" is what inspired this comparison. What the hell is going on here? Why do we get the feeling that Queen B thinks she has to lower herself to the already low standards of other young pop princess to stay competitive? This video looks more like a high-end sex tape of a married couple with a kid. Beyoncé is married with a kid — are we the only ones who aren't interested in seeing her a** or watching her do a striptease for her husband? What's next? Are super talents like Adele and Lorde going to start wearing dental floss over their not-so-privates to get attention? "Partition" is definitely how not to do a music video when you have a family.

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