The Marie Claire interview opens with Kristen Stewart calling the interviewer "dude" — twice. Bugs Bunny cartoons are muted in the background and Stewart lights up a cigarette inside the house. What is she, 10? Yeah, she's only 23 years old, but if you're old enough to earn obscene amounts of cash from being the "anchor" (as the author calls her) of the Twilight series, you're old enough to smoke outside, turn off the cartoons and not call people "dude" repeatedly.
Now that we've set the stage for you, let's move on to a few quotes. About acting, Stewart says, "I don't want to show someone something. I want people to watch me find something." What does that even mean? Begging the forgiveness of Stewart fans, what did we "watch her find" in the Twilight series? Was I the only one in the theater mentally screaming, "What does Edward even see in this chick? Her wit? Her sunny disposition? Her healthy glow? Her fun-loving attitude?" Stewart's unsmiling disposition appears to be just as cold and surly in real life as she is on-screen, so how much of a stretch was her Bella character? We wouldn't be totally shocked to learn that Stewart is, in fact, a vampire.
Later in the interview, Stewart says, "I have an embarrassing incapability, seriously, of summoning fake energy." Same here! Wait. What? Is she justifying her eye daggers on the red carpet and in public appearances? She can't muster a little "fake energy" for the throngs of fans who laid down hard-earned cash to watch her portray a confused teen (who somehow lands the two hottest guys in town)?
Oh, goody. Someone who is rumored to have had an affair with her older, married boss while she had a boyfriend who was (by all accounts) very much in love with her, is going to impart words of wisdom concerning matters of the heart. "If you fall in love with someone, you want to own them — but really, why would you want that? You want them to be what you love." Huh? "You want to own someone you fall in love with?" That's what people in the single community call a red flag. "You want them to be what you love?" Don't you want to love who they are? Granted, Stewart is young and she doesn't have the luxury of hiding the mistakes of her love life while she figures things out, but her musings on love are a tiny bit confusing.
OK, Stewart admitted she was embarrassed to reveal her poetry, and as much as we want to say something snarky, we don't have the heart. She put herself out there, so we give her credit for that. We will let this excerpt speak for itself and let you figure out why we felt it was a bit of a "huh?" moment.
And I bellowed and you parked
We reached Marfa.
One honest day up on this freedom pole
Devils not done digging
He's speaking in tongues all along the pan handle
And this pining erosion is getting dust in
And I'm drunk on your morsels
And so I look down the line
Your every twitch hand drum salute
Salutes mine …