Everyone is making such a big deal out of Jennifer Aniston's vacation bikini shots, but why aren't we talking about her scorching hot fiancé Justin Theroux? We're used to seeing Aniston on the beach, and we've all read how hard she has to work to look that way. She's a clever fox, trying to cover up and thusly thwart the paparazzi's attempt to ruin her vacation, but there is no hiding or denying that she is engaged to a smokin' hot dude. And look at him — he's with one of the hottest women in the world, and he's not even trying. He's wearing nerdy cutoffs with a belt and he still looks amazing. Jennifer who?
OK, riddle me this. How does someone drink like a fish, smoke weed like it's going out of style (which leads to the munchies — or so we've been told) and look like this? Why can genetics be so generous to a chosen few and such a cruel b**** to the rest of us? Sure, Rihanna's 25, but most 25-year-olds who party like she does don't look like this. Oh, well. We wish RiRi well on her Barbados vacation but kindly ask that she step away from Instagram so the rest of us can have a happy new year.
Just when we thought it was safe to blame our age for not looking like Rihanna, here comes Stephanie Seymour and Sofia Vergara to blow our theory right out of the water. Thanks, ladies. Seymour is 45 years old and has had four, count them — four — kids. Thanks, Seymour, for debunking our second favorite excuse for not looking like this, which is having kids. Oh, and she's married to a billionaire. (Can we be petty out loud and suggest that she's maybe had a little tummy tuck? Come on. It's all we've got left for excuses and she is rumored to have had the girls done.)
Vergara is so off the charts beautiful that we just want to ask the gods of reincarnation if we can come back next time with an a** like Vergara's. It is sublime. Vergara is 41. We have such a love-hate relationship with these hot 40-somethings, right? We owe them a debt of gratitude for making 40 the new 30, but we hate them for rendering all our age excuses obsolete.
So what do you do if the background noise from your fiancé's love child with another woman gets too loud? Drink too much wine, cry to all your friends and drunk-text old boyfriends? Not if you're Gabrielle Union. If you're Gabby, you put your smokin' self in a bikini and head to the beach. Scandal never looked so good!
We end this in-your-face reminder of how good celebs look in the dead of winter when they should look chubby like the rest of us with Sean Lowe. Why? Because we feel like it. Yes, this photo was taken in October and if he is on vacation right now, it's probably with that pesky little Catherine. We wanted to end this feature on a high note, so we bring you our favorite shirtless boy crush (who, if you ask us, doesn't take his shirt off nearly enough since getting engaged).
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