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Kimye and Justin Bieber: 2014 Celebrity love horoscopes

Kat Hobza resides in sunny Western Montana. She is the Senior Authoress Specializing in Sarcasm at www.funnyfreelance.com. Okay, she’s the only authoress at funny freelance. When she’s not formulating tongue-in-cheek ideas and content as...

Looking to the stars

What does 2014 hold for pop culture's favorite celebrity couples? We look to the stars to predict these stars' romantic futures.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West

What's in store in the coming year for pop culture's most narcissistic couple? Kim Kardashian is a Libra and Kanye West is a Gemini, which is a favorable astrological match. Both signs are "brainy" and yes, we did choke slightly when we typed that, but they aren't at the top of their collective games for being dense. Gemini and Libra both have a variety of interests and talents — love and communication rule this couple's universe.

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Prediction: Kimye will stay strong in 2014. They're clearly in love, and Kardashian's willingness to carry the hideous handbag that West got her for Christmas — in public — is proof. This couple has already survived multiple scandals and much scrutiny. West has a god complex that sometimes leads to cheating, but in his case, he deems himself worthy of a goddess — even if it's a gossip goddess. We predict that Kardashian will announce another pregnancy in early spring, pushing their offensive, over-the-top, could-feed-the-world's-impoverished-for-a-year wedding to 2015.

Bruce and Kris Jenner

Bruce and Kris Jenner

Queen of the Kardashian empire, Kris Jenner is currently separated from Bruce Jenner. By all accounts, they are the happiest they've ever been (what married couple wouldn't be deliriously happy if they didn't have to be around each other 24-7?). Both Jenners are Scorpios, making both of them goal-oriented. This sign is known for its passion and extremes — the intensity of these couples can run in either direction.

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Prediction: The Jenners will stay married but separated in 2014. Kris will date and have an intense but short-lived romance with a much younger man. After flooding Instagram with images of her new love for a few months, the couple will break up and Kris and Bruce will reunite. They won't start living under the same roof until 2015.

Brad Pitt Angelina Jolie

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie

This Gemini (Angelina Jolie) and Sagittarius (Brad Pitt) is a match made in heaven, literally. The stars love this combination because they share a compatibility that builds a true and lasting friendship. Both signs have a deep desire for independence in their relationship and both have a love for adventure. Sagittarius is known for being blunt (like when Pitt announced to the world that Jolie has bad breath), but Gemini is quick to forgive and forget.

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Prediction: This relationship has had some dark moments in 2013, but Pitt and Jolie are able to weather the storm when they remember that each is sleeping with the most desired male and female on the planet. They've been married for more than a year now and will casually announce it from the red carpet in 2014.

Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux

Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux

Pitt's ex-wife Jennifer Aniston is now engaged to Justin Theroux. Aniston is an Aquarius and Theroux is a Leo. The stars tell us this couple complements each another in its creativity and drive, with Leo being a bit more able to execute ideas. The only trouble this couple has from time to time is being competitive with each another, but we're pretty sure Theroux knew Aniston's standing in pop culture when he started dating her.

Prediction: These two will have an outdoor wedding in early summer or early fall when the weather is perfect. It will be an under the radar event, with close friends and family being invited for a weekend retreat at a friend's remote ranch away from the spotlight. Aniston will overeat and wear a tight shirt the week before to fuel pregnancy rumors and distract the media from her nuptials. It will be a couple more years before Aniston announces that she unfroze her eggs and is pregnant.

Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis

Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis

Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis are another celebrity Aquarius/Leo match. These signs are the ultimate in teamwork. Aquarius is not threatened by Leo's tendency to be an attention getter, and can keep up with Leo's energy. These couples can be unstoppable because they generate creative ideas and have the ambition and drive to make their brainchild come to life.

Prediction: Kutcher and Kunis have been friends since co-starring on That '70s Show, so it's not surprising that Kutcher made a mad dash for Kunis after his split from Demi Moore. These two kids obviously ignited a spark years ago that wouldn't be denied. Much to the dismay of their fans, these two aren't getting engaged this year. They are going to skip the engagement and quietly tie the knot in late 2014 or early 2015.

Kristen Stewart Robert Pattinson

Kristin Stewart and Robert Pattinson

Kristin Stewart is an Aries and Robert Pattinson is a Taurus, which can be the one-step-forward-two-steps back kind of relationship. This may explain their history of breaking and making up. Aries can be foolish (for example, when Stewart was photographed making out with her married director Rupert Sanders) and Taurus is very loyal (for example, when Pattinson took Stewart back after said make-out incident).

Prediction: Obsessed Twilight fans will continue to confuse fictional characters Edward and Bella with Stewart and Pattinson and desperately seek a happily-ever-after ending for these two. It isn't happening in 2014 or any other year. Pattinson will date a pretty, cheerful, funny girl who is in the industry but behind the scenes — a makeup artist or prop master perhaps. Stewart will spend 2014 figuring out why she's always in a bad mood and will be ready for love in 2015.

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez

Cancer (Selena Gomez) and Pisces (Justin Bieber) couples are known for their deep emotional and spiritual bonds. No wonder these kids can't get over each other. Cancer tends to be more stable and nurturing, which is exactly what the unaccountable Biebs needs. Both signs share an emotional nature, which we've seen play out through Bieber's and Gomez's songs.

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Prediction: If the reports of Gomez having Lupus are true, that will be the excuse Bieber has been looking for to reach out to the love of his life. These two lovebirds and songbirds will take things slow in 2014 and do everything in their power to keep the early days of their reconciliation private. Bieber has got a lot of growing up to do if he wants to keep Gomez a second time, but the suffering he's endured without her should help him keep in line.

Photos credit: WENN.com
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