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5 Shocking discoveries from Miley Cyrus' new will.i.am video

Kat Hobza resides in sunny Western Montana. She is the Senior Authoress Specializing in Sarcasm at www.funnyfreelance.com. Okay, she’s the only authoress at funny freelance. When she’s not formulating tongue-in-cheek ideas and content as...

It's a life changer

Sometimes it's fun to scrutinize music videos in search of deeper meaning. Yes, it's often a tremendous waste of time because most of them don't have a deeper meaning. However, Miley Cyrus' new video with will.i.am did have me questioning life and what it all means. Here are a few of my musings.

Miley Cyrus will.i.am

I need a new mirror

Wow. When I moved into my new house, I should have asked for a mirror like will.i.am is looking in to. In his new video "Feelin' Myself," will.i.am says he looks in the mirror and it says, "Baby, you the s***, God d*** it, you the s***, you the s***, you the s***." My mirror doesn't even talk, and if it did, I'm sure it would say, "Baby you late. God d*** it, hurry up, hurry up, hurry up."

Will.i.am is getting twerking lessons >>

And a new club

Where are these people partying? When I go to the club, it's a bunch of 20-somethings who pod around with each other — the guys look like they pay rent at the gym, wearing shirts two sizes too small for them, and the girls look like they are all entering the same Farrah Abraham look-alike contest. The music sounds like it's stuck on the same track all night and you can tell when the club is getting ready to close because all the single people start to play tongue darts with each other. Will.i.am and friends are drinking $1,000 bottles of Champagne! I must be doing it wrong. Clearly, I need to make some changes.

Will.i.am admits to using "Rebound" without permission >>

will.i.am

Will.i.am doesn't pay for sex

Evidently, will.i.am is not the only one feeling himself. He's got, "All these car keys drivin' chickens to my crib" (sounds a little Duck Dynasty to me) and "I just give her beats, I don't give her bread." Are beats sex? And is bread money? Or does will.i.am literally invite people over to his place to listen to music and not feed them? All this music theory can get a little complicated.

Miley Cyrus

Molly Cyrus?

OK, Miley, we get it. You love you some molly. In fact, Miley Cyrus references the illegal drug so much, let's just start calling her Molly Cyrus. Cyrus is also feeling herself in this club anthem and raps, "Now everybody trippin' like they poppin' Miley, er Molly."

PHOTOS: What do Miley Cyrus and kittens have in common? >>

Will.i.am can make a catchy tune out of anything

Will.i.am is a lyrical genius in that he can take the most inane concept and turn it into something that makes us want to snap our fingers. Remember how Black Eyed Peas' "Imma Be" kind of made us want to hurt ourselves, but we didn't because we were too busy getting down and feelin' ourselves? In "Feelin' Myself," will.i.am takes the absurdly overdone premise of being cool and rich and stoned in the club and makes us want to get up and dance. D*** you, will.i.am, d*** you.

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