Did A Sledgehammer Knock Up Miley?
The internet is buzzing with rumors that Miley Cyrus is pregnant with Juicy J's baby. But which part of this juicy gossip is rumor? That Cyrus is pregnant or that Juicy J is the baby's daddy? Here, we have a list of culprits who could conceivably be responsible if Cyrus has a bun in the oven.
The Barbie blowup doll
If Miley Cyrus is in a family way, you'd think her boyfriend turned fiancé of several years, Liam Hemsworth, might be the father. But ever since Cyrus has been on the release-a-video/release-a-scandal-a-day program, we've seen with our own eyes that if Miley's a mama to be, there could be several candidates responsible. How did Hemsworth feel when he saw Cyrus making out in a pool with this very attractive blowup doll? If the blowup doll is responsible for getting Cyrus pregnant, Cyrus' mini-me will fit right into the celebrity scene — she'll already be plastic — she won't have to go under the knife to get that way.
Until Cyrus' "Wrecking Ball" video, no one ever really looked at a demolition tool as a sex toy. "Wrecking Ball" did for sledgehammers what Fifty Shades of Grey did for rope and duct tape — hardware stores are selling out of them like crazy! Hemsworth must have felt very betrayed when he saw Cyrus pleasure the sledgehammer in such a familiar way. That's not something you usually do with something you just met, so Cyrus and the sledgehammer must have been seeing each other for a while. If Cyrus and the sledgehammer were comfortable doing this on camera, imagine what went on behind the scenes. We'll know if the sledgehammer is Cyrus' baby daddy if her baby is unusually heavy and hardheaded.
The wrecking ball
It would be hard for the wrecking ball to not make a pass at Cyrus after she mounted it — naked — and rode it like a rented mule in her "Wrecking Ball" video. Cyrus seemed to be enjoying herself, and we can only imagine how the wrecking ball felt. So did this hard-hitter ball Cyrus? Sources claim they did, but that the wrecking ball found Cyrus too destructive.
The foam finger
We have to give Cyrus a hand — we'll never look at foam fingers the same after her raunchy misuse of the innocent prop at the 2013 MTV VMAs. What we thought was a distasteful and obvious ploy for attention, however, was actually a touching moment between Cyrus and her foam friend. It seems the two have known each other for some time. Her right-hand man was there for her when she split with the sledgehammer — in fact, Cyrus' foam fellow appeared again in her recent "23" video. You read it here first. If Cyrus' baby is born with a few extra digits, we know who the real baby daddy is.