"My mother always used to say: 'The older you get, the better you get, unless you're a banana.'"
"You know what they say — you can lead a herring to water, but you have to walk really fast or he'll die."
"Like we say in St. Olaf — Christmas without fruitcake is like St. Sigmund's Day without the headless boy."
"That moose not only raised little Yimminy, he put him through medical school."
"We weren't allowed to wear berets at my school, it was against the St. Olaf dress code. They did let me wear a paper cap, though. It was long and pointy."
"When I was growing up in Minnesota the doctor made house calls all the time, for us and the livestock. Worked out fine — until the doctor started drinking hog liniment and tried to neuter the Swenson brothers."
"Norwegians are notoriously bad at Spanish."
"Boy, I remember on the farm, when we'd get depressed, Grandma could always cheer us up. She'd take out her dentures and take a healthy swig of the aquarium and then hold a flashlight under a chin, so we could watch the goldfish swim from cheek to cheek. Boy, we could have watched them all day, but visiting hours were only from 10 to 4."
(When the girls are tired of St. Olaf stories, Rose tries this introduction)
"Back in that town whose name you're tired of hearing..."
"I thought you wore too much makeup and were a slut. I was wrong. You don't wear too much makeup."
"Oh, don't give up, Dorothy. If the ancient Egyptians could move 20-ton stone blocks to build the pyramids, we can move a toilet."
(After a sleepless night because the roof is leaking, Dorothy sees Rose carrying a bucket and asks her if she had a leak in her room, too.) "No, Dorothy. I was just milking the cow I keep in my closet. Wow, with only three hours of sleep, I can be as b***** as you!"
"Oh, you bet I am! I eat raw cookie dough. And occasionally, I run through the sprinklers and don't wear a bathing cap. And at Christmas, I've been known to put away more than one eggnog."
Rose: Gee, Sophia! You're awfully cranky today.
Sophia: Well, forgive me. But my arthritis is [acting] up. My Social Security check was late. And I realized today I haven't showered with a man in 22 years!
Dorothy: Ma, Pop's been dead 27 years.
Sophia: What's your point?
Dorothy: Ma, what are you saying?
Rose: Isn't it obvious, Dorothy? She showered with a dead man for five years.
"It's time I gave something back to the chicken community. A chicken once saved my life."
"The doctor says it's the first time he's ever been called because a baby was sleeping in the day. And then I think he called me an idiot."
And you'll see personalized content just for you whenever you click the My Feed .
SheKnows is making some changes!