"No surprise here: The 20 electoral votes from the president's home state of Illinois are safely Mr. Obama's while the 10 electoral votes from Mitt Romney's home state of Massachusetts are... also going to Mr. Obama. I apologize, I was trapped by my own sentence structure."
"Do you know what color my hair is? You're looking at it right now."
"Your hair is the color of goodness."
"You're an idiot."
-Halley and Jim
"Say to yourself, 'You're a great guy and the people at home really like you.' And you're handsome, too, in a droll and expressionless way. You're a welcome presence in our home. It's all about locating your inner Cha and not tripping over any cables. ...Have you located the Cha?"
-Jim to Elliot
(Outraged) "Wikipedia says I went to Oxford?!"
"I think I'm remembering right... either way, it's a big honor."
"Yes, they're not 'either way.' There's one way."
(Later, when Neal mentions that he thought she went to Oxford.)
"Noooo! I went to Cambridge! Do you know who else went to Cambridge? John Milton, Charles Darwin, Jane Goodall, Alan Turing, E.M. Forster, Stephen Hawking, The king of Jordan, The prime minister of India and three signatories of the Declaration of Independence."
"Mack, I wonder if you can switch me off. You're screaming names of smart people in my ear. They teach you that at Oxford?"
-Mack and Taylor, then Mack (Emily Mortimer) and Will
"I need the name and contact information of the person who bought the book."
"You need to hurry before the trail gets cold!"
"You think the book may have been bought by a bank robber?"
-Sloan and Neal
"I said, Ezra, this is the call I've been waiting my whole life for. ... I said, 'If your company needs a very hard-working sociopath, then Jerry's your man.'"
"You are a member of a godless, soulless race of extortionists."
-Don and Rebecca
"Can I raise what I think is an interesting example of something? In a race for the Kansas state legislature, the Democrat is an anti-gay, anti-abortion train conductor. ... Pardon me. The Republican is a train conductor and gay. ... Somebody's a train conductor, somebody's gay and somebody's father is in the Klan."
"And what's that an example of?"
"Nothing. So, Taylor, back to your point and your 15-year-old survey."
-Sloan, Will and Elliot
"This is the written test you have to take to work for the New York City Department of Sanitation and it goes to the first person who eats it tonight. But! So far, so good!"
"In fairness, he did anchor a report about a democratic president committing war crimes and that wasn't even true. (Crickets.) Elephant in the room."
Oh, yeah. And Will fired MacKenzie. So much happened in so little time!
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