Is There Such A Thing As Twerker's Comp?
Hey, if Miley Cyrus can twerk, anyone can... right? Not so much. We urge you to memorize the following three steps, lest you too become a cautionary tale like the unfortunate girl in this viral video.
Don't forget fire safety, people
Don't have a bunch of candles burning next to a bottle of what appears to be alcohol or some other flammable liquid. While you're at it, make sure you have a working fire extinguisher within easy reach. We're going to bet that if you're the type who twerks near open flames, you may find more than one occasion in which such a safety device is handy — nay — pertinent. Perhaps pop culture should come with a warning label, no?
For Pete's sake, don't forget to lock the door
If you decide to twerk on the door — because, clearly, that's totally rational, right? — make sure you lock it. Or at the very least, throw a sock over the doorknob. We are aware that is code for clandestine nighttime nooky going on but, sweetheart, let's be real... what your friend just walked in on you doing behind closed doors is far more psychologically scarring than seeing you in a lover's embrace.
Don't underestimate picking the right roomie
When all hell breaks loose, as it is prone to do when one makes short twerk (get it? ha ha) of a table topped with flammables, you need to know you've got people you can count on. In short, you want to make sure your roommate doesn't ditch you when your pants go up in flames. At the very least, try to surround yourself with people who have good musculature — if nothing else, they can toss a bucket of water your way from the safety of the hall.
Editor's note: Since this article was published, it has come to light that the twerking video was actually a spoof orchestrated by late-night host Jimmy Kimmel and stuntwoman Daphne Avalon, who plays the flaming twerker. While Mr. Kimmel may have fooled us momentarily, we stand by our suggestions as solid advice for all twerkers.