Avril Lavigne is rock ’n’ roll.
You know how we know that? She says so in her new video.
Lavigne's new track, "Rock N Roll," premiered Tuesday and the video is beyond explanation.
But we're going to try.
So Lavigne is playing guitar when her Sony Xperia phone rings and she picks it out of a glass of water to answer it.
You know how we knew it was a Sony phone? She says so in the video.
She answers the phone and explains that she can't be any more obvious. He was a boy and she was a girl — a reference to her 10-year-old hit "Sk8er Boi."
She hangs up the phone, looks at the huge screen and we are instantly transformed to a dystopian society where land shark attacks are rampant and rock ’n’ roll is in jeopardy. No word if the two things are connected.
Lavigne, Danica McKellar (aka Winnie Cooper from The Wonder Years) and a well-dressed Doberman pinscher are chatting in a cool kid diner. Lavigne disapproves of the waitress' outfit so she makes it cool by cutting it up with a knife.
Out of the corner of her eye, Lavigne sees a mustachioed Jawa a la Star Wars. She sees through his poor excuse for a disguise and recognizes him at once as the wanted evil overlord. The overlord escapes by throwing a baby at Lavigne and her crew and then deploying a lobster holding a knife.
Don't ever mess with a knife-wielding lobster.
Everyone takes off after the overlord. The Doberman drives, of course, but evidently had too much to drink and crashes the car. Lavigne and McKellar lament their fate.
And then they kiss — followed by a Kevin Arnold-esque voice-over.
At the dog funeral, the casket glows, breaks open and reveals a chain-saw guitar.
Lavigne takes the guitar, steps out of the church and reenacts Slash's guitar playing solo from Guns N' Roses' "November Rain."
The overlord then rips off his outfit, revealing that he is actually a bearshark!
You know how we knew he was a bear shark? Because he's a bear with a shark's head. That and Lavigne says so in the video.
Lavigne chain-saws the shark's head off the bear's body. She looks over at Billy Zane standing on a Segway dressed in a safari outfit. He smiles, gives her the thumbs up and his Segway blasts off into the sky.
Lavigne raises her chain-saw guitar triumphantly.
In review, these are the things Avril Lavigne thinks are "Rock N Roll":
Sony cell phones
Guns N' Roses
I guess we actually have a lot in common with Lavigne.
"Rock N Roll" is the second single off Lavigne's upcoming self-titled album that is due to hit shelves on Sept. 24.
Photo credit: Avril Lavigne/Twitter
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