Kat Hobza resides in sunny Western Montana. She is the Senior Authoress Specializing in Sarcasm at www.funnyfreelance.com. Okay, she’s the only authoress at funny freelance. When she’s not formulating tongue-in-cheek ideas and content as...
The majority of celebs look ah-freakin'-mazing while pregnant. That's just annoying. Can't they look bloated? Can't their hair look flat and drab? Can't they break out in acne like the rest of us? These celebs are making pregnancy even more painful for us.
It's not annoying enough for fertility-challenged women everywhere that Halle Berry got pregnant at 46? Does she have to look so hot on top of it? Most of us look hot when we're pregnant too. Hot, sweaty, uncomfortable — more like a prized pig in August at the summer fair. A few of us are rocking a post-baby gut that makes a tank dress difficult to pull off. This is just not fair — and thus, exceedingly annoying.
Even though the palace insists on dressing Kate like she's twice her age, she's still cute as a bug. You'd never guess she's due in a little over a month. Still, can you picture yourself in that hat while eight months pregnant? We'd likely look like a demented cupcake topper. And heels? Please. You feel like a Playskool Weeble when you're pregnant. We owe it to our unborn children to not topple over in an unflattering heap while carrying them.
There is a "you look way too stylish while pregnant" line and Fergie just crossed it. Fergie is churching up her lovely lady lumps in a way that the average pregnant Jo has a hard time relating to. Look at that fabulous hair! That dress is unstoppable. Those heels combined with the caped skirt make her look like Wonder Woman. Where are the purple people-eater sweats? Where are the beer T-shirts you steal from your guy's dresser because they're just so comfortable?
Now we switch gears to point out celebrities that look a bit more realistic while pregnant. Kim Kardashian is always beautiful — you can't take that away from her. It took her a while to find a maternity fashion groove, though, making the rest of the pregnant population feel a bit better. Here Kim has a more relatable look. Her breasts are so large they make our back hurt. Her tummy is bulging and her hips are wide enough to challenge smaller door openings. Look at her poor feet! They've blown up like the 4th of July and she has cankles! God bless her for using her questionably gained celebrity status to give us a look at what most pregnant women really look like.
Jessica Simpson looks incredibly glamorous here, in a look few of us would step out of the house in not pregnant. That said, Jessica gained notoriety with her first pregnancy for packing on what she described as 40 pounds, but what we pregnancy veterans know to be more like 60. The woman admitted to eating buttered Pop-Tarts. We've got to love her for that. We don't dare eat Pop-Tarts, buttered or otherwise in our un-pregnant state, much less during a time when the scale takes on a mind of its own. Let Jessica's indulgence be a cautionary tale, however. Her post-pregnancy photos from her first baby were repeat trips to the gym combined with Weight Watchers commercials. Remember, ladies, there's no such thing as a fat-free lunch.
Busy Philipps is busy providing a little more of a non-celeb pregnancy look. Some of us were pregnant during a time when the only maternity tops you could find had huge lace yokes and bows on them (please, we were pregnant, not Little Bo Peep) and yes, we're still bitter about it. Busy's no-glam floral (dare we say) muumuu is more like what we remember when it comes to maternity fashion. Her pulled-back hair is also a bit more realistic. The reason women cut their hair off during pregnancy is because it turns the color of a dead rat and refuses to do anything. We also love Busy's sensible flats. She looks darling, and like an everyday pregnant lady.
All images courtesy WENN, Fergie image FayesVision/WENN, Busy Philipps image Michael Wright/WENN