Why Are You Sorry that I Have Three Boys?

4 years ago

As I walked into the bathroom of one of my boys’ favorite restaurants with Baby B tucked away in his baby sling, I received a quick glance and then heard, “Where did you get your sling? I love it!” We proceeded to talk and I, in conversation, mentioned Baby B’s two older brothers. She looked at me and gasped, “You have 3 boys… I’m so sorry!”

I was stunned, taken aback a little actually. Thankfully Baby B was too small to understand her hurtful words. Why would someone apologize to me for my sweet little blessings? I know most women dream of the day they will have a daughter of their own, dreaming of pink and pigtails and ruffles and lace. I know because I used to be one of those women. My reality is that I am the mom to all boys though… rambunctious, loud, sometimes smelly, crude, lovable, sweet, funny, snuggly little boys… forever.

I will never have a daughter and I’ve accepted that. More than accepted it, I’ve embraced it. Embraced the role as mom to “all boys.” No pink frilly girly distractions, except for that from my very own closet. I wouldn’t trade my three boys for all of the girls in the world. I feel this because God blessed me with boys. How could I feel any differently? God gave me my three and I’ve never been more thankful for anything else. They are my greatest gifts.

She proceeded to tell me that she would not want a second child unless she was guaranteed it was a girl. I smiled and walked on but not able to quite shake her words. While I would have loved a daughter, more importantly I wanted a child (boy or girl). I felt this way the first, second and even third time we decided to have a child. It was never about “trying for a girl.” It was about being blessed with another child to love.

As I left the restroom, I thought to myself, “Why are you sorry?” Sorry for the many bedtime kisses I get each night, sorry for the snuggles and the sweet smiles, the constant laughter and the, “Mommy, I love you’s”? Sorry for the multitude of hand drawn pictures that have taken up residence on my fridge, sorry for the “You’re the best mom ever's.” Sorry for the hand holding and the hugs and sorry for all of the other wonderful gifts my boys give me each day?

Credit: watt_dabney.

When I was pregnant both my second and third time, I often heard, “Are ya’ll trying for a girl?” I would always express that we just wanted a healthy baby (boy or girl). While having a girl would be great, having another boy would be equally as fantastic. I never liked being asked that question. What exactly does “trying for a girl” or “trying for a boy” mean anyways? Is it like “trying to win the lottery” or attempting to succeed at something you’ve always wanted to do? Does it mean that if you don’t have a girl or a boy, whichever you are “trying” for, that you have somehow failed? Isn’t a baby a gift and a blessing and the winning prize no matter the gender? Isn’t the blessing of our children our greatest success?

Please don’t be sorry for my beautiful little blessings. I don’t feel slighted in the least. I feel honored that God blessed me with these three and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

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