To Work or Not?

3 years ago

I wrote a stream-of-consciousness post back in September. I had been having a rough day (or two or three or who knows how many), or was it just a rough moment or two? Ah, who knows. What does it matter. The truth is that going back to work outside the home is a constant battle for me.

thoughts, thoughts, and more thoughts - workIt's about meeting the often-too-high expectations I set for myself and the way in which I berate myself endlessly when I don't meet those expectations.

It's also about continually learning and struggling to quiet the thoughts in my head that can become all consuming, in which I'm not enough....I don't have, nor do I deserve, any grace.

It's about letting go and trust and faith and patience.

I'm fortunate enough that we can get by with me not working. The reality is that even if I was working, we'd be needing to pay some form of childcare and the cost of it is like me not working anyway, so I guess it works out. I truly am grateful that I don't absolutely have to work. This doesn't mean it's easy not working. It also doesn't mean I don't want to work. And further still, it doesn't mean I sometimes wouldn't rather be working outside the home.

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