When I found out I was pregnant for the first time I was amazed. I was going to be a mother to a beautiful, perfect baby. My pregnancy was nothing short of magical. Every kick and hiccup was cherished. I spent hours day dreaming about this new little life. When I found out it was a boy I was in love. My son. My first child. I gave birth to my Maxwell in 2o08 and my life would never be the same.
In 2012 I found out I was pregnant again. I was beyond thrilled. A feeling came over me that my family was soon going to be complete. As my pregnancy progressed I realized it was completely different from my first one. I had no time to sit back and daydream about this new little baby, because I was busy with Maxwell. He had soccer, gymnastics, school, parties, and everything else that fills a 4 year old boy's calendar. In fact, I couldn't remember the last time the baby kicked. I was too distracted to notice.
That was when I found out that I was having another boy. I was hit with a sudden thought-
Would I love this boy as much as my first boy?
I was tormented by this thought day and night. The guilt weighed me down. What kind of mother would think like this? I was a horrible person.
As my labor drew closer my anxiety rose. I was scared to meet this new baby. I was scared that I gave all of my love away to my first child and had nothing left to give. All too soon my labor arrived and I gave birth to my second beautiful, perfect baby.
I fell completely, head over heels, in love with my Lucas. My life would never be the same again. All of my fears and anxiety melted away. I had two healthy, wonderful sons and I loved them both.
If you are feeling like I did, scared you couldn't possibly love your second child as much as your first, you are not alone. Many women experience these emotions and it does not make them a bad mother.
Just remember, all of your children are different, which means the love that you have for them will be uniquely different. New babies are strangers, to you and your family. When you bring them home everyone will have to take the time to get to know them, which is an amazing experience.
There will always be enough love. I guess that is the power of being a mother. We can do pretty incredible things.
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