My kid hates Mother’s Day.
If you are raising a child who has experienced foster care, adoption, orphanages, death, divorce, etc. they might also struggle with Mother's Day.
My Princess used her words last year (instead of exploding or imploding as in past years) to let me know she hates Mother’s Day, it makes her feel bad, she doesn’t know why it was invented and that it is a stupid day.
I know all the reasons for it.
I get it.
Her first mother walked out on her and her siblings when she was a toddler. By the time I became her mom when she was 9, she’d had nearly a dozen mother figures.
Many promised to take care of her forever.
And they all broke that promise.
Except for me.
But seven years of being her mom doesn’t erase all the damage done in the years before me.
I really do get it.
Mother’s Day is complicated and hard for many adults, too. It isn’t just kids.
But it still stings, especially because she doesn’t feel the same about Father’s Day. Dads are less scary than moms in many ways.
I had a bit of a pity party when she told me she hates Mother's Day. I tried to slip off by myself, but she stuck by me like glue. "I don't like Mother's Day, but I still want to be by you. You're comfortable."
I woke up Mother's Day morning determined to put a spin on it. I declared it “HAPPY KID DAY!” when she woke up.
I said, “I wouldn’t be a mother without you, so let’s celebrate that today!”
Then I told her we’d go to Target and I’d buy her a new outfit to celebrate her – after her homework was done, room cleaned and week planned.
So she cheerfully worked on that, while I worked on some other stuff nearby. We chatted and listened to music while we got crap done, which made the week much less stressful for me. That was a pretty amazing Mother's Day gift.
Then we went shopping and out to lunch It was a really great day - everything I'd want out of Mother's Day.
And all because I took the pressure off.
Sure, I did a little mourning that celebrating her mom is so hard for her, but then I was thankful for my beautiful daughter who is so strong, brave and resilient.
If you’re mourning Mother's Day not being magical, it's okay. Allow yourself to grieve.
Then try to reframe it a bit. Think of it from your child’s point of view. Chances are you’ll see it absolutely makes sense this day is hard for them. Or maybe it's a hard day for you and you need to cut yourself some slack.
Take the pressure off and just enjoy the day doing whatever fills your soul – even if that means leaving your kids at home and fleeing to the movie theater.
Happy Mother's Day! You matter. You are doing great. Hang in there.
And freel free to join me in celerating Kid Day again this year!