Who Wants to Hide the Turkey?

5 years ago

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

This Thanksgiving will be my nephew's first and, since I'm hosting, my sister-in-law called with a very strange request. Apparently, she is worried that the sight of a turkey on the table will be upsetting to her son and wants me to keep it (the turkey) in the kitchen.

As if there is any justification for this, she explained that "he's really into farm animals" and that this could prove to be traumatic.

Please, please, PLEASE, tell me this is as insane as it sounds.

Aunt Turkey Lurkey



Dear Aunt Turkey Lurkey,

Oh, sweet potato pie, of course this is absolute insanity! Is your sister-in-law known for her neurosis or has she suffered some sort of psychotic break? Maybe don't answer that.

Hers what you're gonna do: You're going to politely decline your SIL's request and you're going to have the following arsenal on standby in case she has the nerve to push the issue:

1. First of all, when did the turkey become a part of the Barn Yard crew? Turkeys are much too busy being chased by the likes of Dick Cheney to be hanging around the chicken coop.

2. Let's just say, for the sake of argument, that the turkey has become one with the Barn Yard. Your nephew may be bothered by the sight of a fully-feathered clucker laying prostrate on Grandma's lace table runner, complete with X's on its eyes. But a cooked bird? Hell, I bet he thinks it's a football before he recognizes the death of his own childhood innocence.

3. If all else fails, tell your sister-in-law that dinner starts a few hours later than it really does, and when she arrives, reassure her that she missed all the carnage.

Good luck, and don't forget to spike her pumpkin pie with Xanax.

Kristine, TMH


Photo Credit: kristiemoser.

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