Jodi & Corey Shaw | rantsnrascals.com
It's something I hear all the time. "There is no way your son can have Asperger's. He's so smiley, affectionate and plays well with others." and they are right. Trace is affectionate, and sometimes does work really well with others, and he does smile more now. But Trace also has Asperger's.
Why does everyone need to put special needs or disabilities into categories?
It drives me up the wall! I mean as humans, none of us are perfect, least of all me. I love my kids and my husband, and I clean the house (when I feel like it) and I love being a mom. But that doesn't always mean I"m a good mom. I have my days like everyone else where I wanna stick a fork in my eyes, claim insanity, go to that nice padded cell where it's quiet without the yelling and screaming, laundry, animals to feed, chores to do, bills to pay. There are days I don't want to have a child who has special needs.
There are days I feel angry that he is suffering with things like not liking the feel of a sweater, or needing his hamburger cut into six equal squares before eating it, or a straw that doesn't bend. I mean really - for Pete-sakes, straws need to bend!
Lately, over the past month or so, ever since FD and JJ went to Prince George for Christmas, Trace has been way more affectionate and loving than normal. And by normal I mean | sometimes he barely ever hugged or kissed or even told me that he loves me.
Now it's a completely different story...
When I look back on the past couple of years and how much Trace has grown. I can see the changes - now. He is not the same kid and nor should he be. He's come out of his shell, he plays more, laughs more, talks more. And as a mom, I'm loving each and every moment with him.
A year ago Trace would never go out and play in the snow. He hated it. Hated how it felt on his hands, on his clothes. He hated wearing boots, hats and gloves that didn't fit right. But now he's learned.
All kids can learn, whether they have special abilities or not. It's a matter of having patience and teaching them, because they (Aspie) kids are no different than kids without Asperger's, other than they handle things thrown at them in a different way. But learning to compensate, learning to accept things can be taught.
I love my son. I love that after five years of waiting he now comes running up to me to hug me tight. I love that he wants to kiss me (even if it's) only on the cheek.
I love that he has learned to maintain eye-contact for longer than five seconds, and that when things get hard, when the battles begin.
I love that he's learned to take deep breaths, calm down, and try his hardest to handle things the best he can, and that he knows no matter what...
I'm here for him and he can do it. He can be himself no matter what road he is traveling down.
So yeah it drives me bonkers when people look at me or my son and tell me there is no way he has this or that. He looks so normal. It makes me want to deck them, take off their colored stigma glasses and throw a mirror in their face and tell them to take a second look. Not at Trace but at themselves. Because like I said nobody is NORMAL. I should know. I suffer with bipolar depression, and I'm the happiest optimistic pessimist around. Looking at me you'd never know I suffer from depression. But that doesn't mean I don't.
How do you handle people putting stigma's on your kids with special abilities?
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