In Which My Daughter Learns the Other Meaning of the Word "Commando"

7 years ago

I went to the mall for a new blush. The stars of "having a spare penny" and "time to go to the mall" as well as "freedom from little people" aligned perfectly. I had planned to go all alone, but my teenage daughter had other plans and begged me to take her. I soon realized why -- she wanted to "discover" Victoria's Secret, and my mind blew up when I realized that she meant to purchase push-up bras.

I dunno -- I like me some VS as much as the next guy, but I draw the line of comfort and appropriateness at my daughters wearing push-up bras and thongs. Call me old-fashioned, whatever. It just doesn't seem like something I'm comfy with.

I think that part of Victoria's Secret is that I'm terribly conservative when it comes to mothering. But I digress.

While we were standing there waiting for her to purchase her "garments," I noticed a young guy at the register. We live in a military town, and he had a crew cut, so I immediately assumed he was in the military. I was close enough to overhear his request:

"Can you just not put those panties in the pink bag? I don't want to carry it."

Oh, he must be embarrassed, I thought to myself. He was only buying one pair of panties, most likely for a girlfriend. How sweet. Who really wants to walk through the mall with that extra noticeable bag, anyway? The clerk smiled and him and asked if he'd like to just put them in his jacket pocket, but he declined. I was curious to know exactly what he planned to do, and I stepped forward. "I've got an Old Navy bag here -- if you want it, I'll just put my shirt into another bag and you can have this one," I said, gesturing to my bag. He turned around and gave me a grin, and I noticed that he was much younger than I'd thought, maybe all of twenty.

"No, I don't need a bag. See, my buddies told me that it'd be fun to go commando," he said, pulling on the crotch of his jeans, "but it's kind of uncomfortable. So I'm just gonna go down the hall to the bathroom and slip these on," he said, gesturing to the light pink panties, decorated with red hearts and trimmed in red lace.

Man Looking in Refrigerator

I was completely flabbergasted. And totally and completely embarrassed and also, totally speechless. Which, um, never happens.

My daughter was as well when she finally learned that going commando isn't merely a military term -- she thought he was going to war and wondered why he was wearing panties.

When do you think is the right age for your daughter to discover Victoria's Secret?

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