When Blogging Hurts...

6 years ago

I’m not a recruiter for CABF.

I’m not a psychiatrist or therapist.

I’m not an advocate for pharmaceutical companies.

I’m not brainwashed, unevolved or the source of a serious parenting problem.

I am a mom.

I’m a mom who’s fighting for her son’s life.

I’m a mom who doesn’t have all the answers and often feels ill equipped.

I’m a mom who’s disappointed that the research isn’t farther along.

I’m a mom who’s terrified of possible side effects.

I’m a mom who’s questioning everything our doctor suggests.

I’m a mom who’s frustrated by all the controversy.

I’m a mom who’s offended by all the accusations.

I’m a mom who’s making the best decisions based on the direction of our medical team.

I’m a mom who cries because we’re not doing enough.

I’m a mom who worries because we’re doing too much.

I’m a mom who’s experiencing hope thanks to medication.

I’m a mom who realizes that hope doesn’t always stick around.

I’m a mom who’s watched her son lose touch with reality and is terrified of what could happen next.

I’m a mom who’s scared that her son will end up in prison if he doesn’t have treatment.

I’m a mom who’s sickened by thoughts of finding her son hanging in his room because he stopped treatment.

I’m a mom who’s worried that her son will become addicted to drugs and alcohol in an effort to treat his symptoms on his own.

I’m a mom who’s bled from the hands of her own son.

I’m a mom who’s watched her other children tremble in fear while their brother raged.

I’m a mom who’s seen her 7 year old boy cry while frantically hiding sharp objects from his brother who wanted to kill himself.

I’m a mom who’s seen her son desperately begging for help.

I’m a mom who’s witnessed the devastation of real mental illness.

I’m a mom who hurts, as others throw stones at her for the decisions she’s made.

I’m only a mom... speaking my truth.

* * *

Recently I participated in a discussion on another forum and was hit pretty hard by the words of a few.

I think a reader who visited the conversation put it best when she said:
“...it is kind of like a car accident, you drive by and can’t help looking at it. I tried not to go back to that blog but I did, and it was quite awful what they were saying about you.”
I tried to share my story, but I found that there are people that will always assume the worst of me because I medicate my son. I can’t change that. I’m sharing this with you to show you what moms like me are up against.
Here is the conversation (comment section), but remember, I warned you, it ain’t pretty...


* * *

I’m a mother of 3 young boys, the oldest suffering from Bipolar 1 Disorder. I write a blog to let go of my pain and to help support others by letting them know they’re not alone.


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