Let's face it -- after having children, we have all changed. Before children, I was well-groomed and well-rested. Now I'm tired, worn, but oddly enough, content (the mystery of motherhood). I've done things that would have once made me gag, but are now just my norm.
Prepare yourself for the disgusting mom things I do!
1. The Magic of Spit!
When a mother tells me she does not use spit to clean her child's face, there is apart of me that once to shout, "LIAR!" I do not know if my spit is magic, but that does not stop me from doing the "thumb suck and swipe." It is perfect for when I forget wipes, and I forget wipes a lot! My five-year-old is on to me now though. So when I notice something on his face I have to do the "Hey look over there distraction, thumb suck and swipe." Does he get absolutely furious with me? You bet. Does that stop me? No. I wish I can say to him, "You'll thank me one day," but for this one I know he won't.
2. Cleaning off the pacifier with my mouth!
I can see how some of you might find this to be gross, especially if you are the type who sterilizes all day and night. I am happy to inform you that a study has come out showing that cleaning off your child's paci with your mouth is a good thing and can help foster immunity!
3. Biting my children's fingernails... and toenails!
Anyone who has tried to clip their child's nails knows my pain! The fear when you first cut your infant's nails and the horror when you accidentally cut them. It is just horrible. To avoid the pain, just use your teeth. It is so much easier! Hang nails are a breeze when you just chew them off.
4. Wipes are used for sweaty armpits!
No time for a shower, so I like to wipe down my pits with a wipe. It is a lifesaver, especially during the first few weeks with a newborn.
5. Washing my bangs to trick you into thinking I showered.
I quickly wash the front part of my hair that hangs closest to my face if I do not have time to shower. Really, it is brilliant! And only mildly gross.
6. I've been pee'd on, pooped on, vomited on, spit up on, and I still keep smiling!
Before children, if I had been pooped on I would have had to run and change immediately, gagging the entire time. Now, I make sure my children are okay first before I tend to myself. Honestly, I do not even smell it anymore.
7. I sniff butts in public and I make no apologies!
Every mother has brought their child's butt up to their nose for a whiff, but now I do not even do discretely in public. I just plant that butt on my nose, even if we are in the middle of restaurant. Bon appetit!
8. I've held sleeping babies in my arms while I've tinkled in the bathroom!
This is truly a skill and you would do it too if it took you 45 minutes to get your pumpkin to fall asleep, only to find you are about to pee your pants! A girl has got to do what a girl has got to do!
9. My pinky is perfect for picking boogers and ear wax!
This one grosses my husband out! If you see a boogie, just pull it out with your fingers, because chances are they will suck it back in and you'll never see it again. If they are holding their head still, go in for the potato growing out of their ear. Seize the moment! What to do with your findings? Wipe it on their bib or the back of your pants.
10. I share towels with my children (when I do shower... ha ha)
It saves on laundry and their dirt does not seem to phase me. Let's just hope they do not bring home ring worm or anything as gross as that!
What horrifying, cannot believe you would do it, disgusting mom things have you done??
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