Allow me to preface this piece by saying first that I love my mom very much. Though this is going to illustrate the not-so-lovable qualities she has, she actually is a wonderful, caring woman. My wedding has, for some reason, brought forth a mom-zilla creature…
My fiancé and I have been together for over 6 years, and as my mom has told me, I am “…an older bride…” being that I’m 32—GASP! Ervin (my fiancé) and I are very simple, frugal, & don’t care about impressing others. When he proposed a couple of years ago, he and I pictured a small, casual wedding. Hell, we would’ve been happy with a fricken BBQ in our backyard with our closest family and friends. However, my old-fashioned Italian mother could not fathom the idea of her only daughter not having a big, fancy party. Needless to say, a war broke out between us, and it wasn’t pretty for a long time. Eventually, we compromised; my fiancé and I were going to do the ceremony however we wanted, and my mom would do the reception however she wanted. The deal was though that stress wasn’t allowed to be a factor. I refused to have stress associated with my wedding day, which is to be the most beautiful and glorious official union of us as husband and wife. Also, if my mom wanted the big party, she was going to have to plan it. Ervin and I didn’t have the time, interest, or money to put into a huge party. The biggest reason we finally had conceded to this agreement was that my future step-kids were so excited about the party and being junior bridesmaids and a junior groomsman. Fine, deal, we figuratively shook hands over the phone.
Since that verbal contract was made, there have been several times that I’ve had to remind my mom that the only thing I care about is that I’m marrying Ervin. As long as he’s there, and I become Mrs. Vallejo, I’m happy. (Looking good was my other priority, but it was much lower on the list.) To her credit, there was a long phase during which she seemed to calm down quite a bit, and even at one point, asked me if I really wanted this big wedding. When she asked this, I became confused and honestly was just exhausted with the back and forth of the whole decision-making affair that I said, “I don’t know. We’re in this already. The party will be fun, but I just don’t want stress involved.” I suppose that was my permission to go ahead. Sigh.
I enjoyed that blissful phase of her backing off; she even started acting really calm and laid back around me, especially after reading my blog and understanding my anxious mind a bit more. Alas, that phase seems to have run its course because now, as the wedding approaches, her stress level has sky-rocketed and is being projected onto me. She has taken it upon herself to throw us a lavish shower, which she doesn’t have the disposable income to afford. Included in these bridal shower plans are beautiful, but unnecessary centerpieces for each table that she has created. For our wedding, she has boxes upon boxes of vases that she ordered for the floral centerpieces at the reception. Her house is filled to the brim with wedding. Mind you, I would’ve been perfectly happy with the three candles per table the banquet hall would’ve provided for free, but no no no, that was not happening on my mom’s watch. The other day, two of my bridesmaids and I went to her house to work on wedding stuff. This included wrapping the give-away presents for each guest at the shower and putting together the invitations for the wedding. When I say wrapping, my mom had actually wrapped all 90-something presents prior to us arriving; what she wanted us to do was tie not one, but two ribbons around each gift, curl all the ends, and attach two fake flowers along with a tag to each box. I asked her why we had to do this, since people were going to open them immediately and discard all the wrappings. She snapped back, “Because it looks nice. Just do it.” Seven hours later, we had done it.
Having things look nice, trying to impress other people, details like flowers and place cards—that crap doesn’t matter to me. I know in my mom’s heart, she thinks she’s doing this for me, but in actuality, I think she’s doing this for herself. It’s her show, and we’re just part of the cast. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate all of her hard work and everything she’s put into this, but at the same time, when I’m on the verge of feeling guilty for all she’s taken on, I realize that she’s done this to herself. I never asked for any of it. Simplicity is bliss…I just want to get married to the man I love.
Blog Site: LifewithMoodDisorders.blogspot.com
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