Okay seriously, where are those people I call momma and dadda and why on earth am I falling when they should ALWAYS be there to catch me? Don't they know the rules of parenting? Don't they know that as a toddler I WILL fall and WILL cry soo loud (even if the fall wasn't all that bad) just to prove my "watch your kid" point. I bet they won't let me do that again right? Wrong, not these people. They are into letting me explore my surroundings and if I don't listen to that awful "stop" word there may be a chance I'm hitting the ground. Phew, thank goodness for carpet.
I know how things are, I read and completed my 'Toddler 101 training manual' and passed with honors. I know I'm a wizard that creates and moves objects at the speed of light. What do they think I do in my spare time? Sit and play in one spot, well not this dude, I'm a mover and a shaker.
Let me set the scene for you. Here I am minding my own business and learning how to drive my passenger filled basket. Everything is running smoothly until BAM out of nowhere I wipe out. Of course my freaking mother is busy filming me and the damn dog is useless in breaking my fall. So there I am falling to my inevitable crying fate and all they do is watch me...WHAT THE EFFF!!
It just all happened soo fast. I was fine but my ego bruised. Ah well, off I go again but this time I will not lean into the basket when I'm 3-point turning.
Before I was able to walk I was and still am a furniture climber. My grandparents tell me all the time that this behavior of mine is payback to my parents for my father's desire to climb everything. Yay, I got your back granny and grandpop. Payback's a something I'm not allowed to say...sucka.
Back to my story. I strategically wait for the right moment (typically when my parents' backs are turned) to find that chance to climb something. The problem with this is that sometimes I don't even have to wait for them to turn their backs on me, they watch me climb a piece of furniture (of course within safe and non-neglectful limits) but nonetheless the watch me climb and sometimes fall.
Guess what my momma says after she determines I'm ok, she says "consequences son, everything has consequences!!! Where is my treat to stop crying? Where is my new toy for her un watchful eye? Pfffft, screw your consequences talk and stop this kid from falling, isn't that your job?
I get it, this is your sick way of allowing me to explore and learn from my actions. Don't I have to be at least 2 years old for this to come into play? I'm only 14 months old people, I'm still a baby don't you know. Isn't parenting where you tell me not to do something and then I do it anyway so you stop me or at least continue to coax me into doing something else.
Back to my second scene. So here I am climbing my rocker. in which I mastered when I was 10 months old. Since simply climbing the rocker was soo yesterday, I've moved on to bigger and grander climbing adventures such as climbing from one piece of furniture onto another. This requires some furniture rearranging by sliding and gliding my equipment across the room but in the end I WILL achieve my goal. However this goal isn't achieved without a few falls and lesson's on 'how to' and 'where to' put my hands and feet. It's all in the angles which I'm sure I will learn when I read the 'toddler angles' chapter in my manual.
Guess what happen seconds after this shot was taken...............you guessed it, I fell. This is the point where I'll throw a tantrum so you pick me up and hug me and tell me that it will be alright. Unfortunately tantrums don't seem to be working with these people, HELLO CAN ANYONE HEAR ME, my parents don't react to my tantrums....NEED HELP, this is not in the handbook.
Back again to my story. I finally mastered furniture climbing the basic, intermediate and advanced stages all with a few falls but nothing major, they won't let it get that far. In the end, mission accomplished, I've officially mastered the art of furniture climbing and the art of determination will help me achieve my goal.
One good thing I can say about my parents is that they do let me fall and then get back up to try again.
What now, zip-lining?
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