"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times". That's how I feel.
I don’t know what it is really and the weather today isn’t helping. Most days, I find myself just feeling blah. Do you know how that feels? To have no desire to really do anything. I don’t want to watch TV, don’t want to read and I definitely don’t want to potty train these boys.
It’s been slow going. I feel like the “Little Engine That Could” sometimes. I get up in the morning full of piss and vinegar. This will be the day that I just tear off the pull ups and we go for it. Messes be damned. They go for a few hours and ultimately someone pees himself, I clean it up and offer encouragement. Then by lunch, I’m done. Throw in the towel, I’m wore out. Boys 125 – Mom 0.
I’ve got one poop trained, Quinn. Mostly out of necessity. He trained himself because he is always so constipated he needed to sit and bear down. So every time he goes number two, he uses the pot. Colin absolutely refuses to. It doesn’t matter what reward I offer, he is totally anti-potty. Sometimes, I feel like they will be 5 and still in pull ups. It makes me feel like a failure, a loser and a whole host of derogatory adjectives.
Then I wonder, maybe it’s me. Maybe the reason why they are so hard to train isn’t them and more the fact that I wish they were still babies. These are my last. There will be no more babies, the factory is closed. It wasn’t by my choosing either, but such is life. So knowing that I will not have any more children maybe I’m subconsciously trying to keep them there. I’ve been accused more than once of babying them. I really don’t know. All I know is, I feel like I’m banging my head against a wall. Every time I hear someone say, “they aren’t trained yet”, I feel like I’m failing them.
Right now, I’m in give up mode but tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow, I may wake up full of piss and vinegar and ready to give it another go. Today, I just want to pull the covers over my head and pretend just for a few hours that they are still my little babies and nothing will ever change.
Has anyone else ever felt this way? If you have any training advice please feel free to share. I’m at the end of my proverbial rope.
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