Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I've been with my boyfriend for almost three years. We lived in the same town during the first two years we dated. But then we both got great job offers (yay!). However the jobs are in different towns -- 4 hours apart. We used to be 5 minutes from each other. So now we're doing the long distance thing.
This year has been super tough on us and I'm not sure what to do. Several times he has broken down and cried, saying he cannot handle the distance, and every time I manage to convince him we are worth it. Both of us have decided that in two years we will move in together, and we have openly discussed marriage and our future.
The constant roller coaster of our relationship over the last 8 months (which never happened before!) is making me question if our relationship can handle two more years of distance. Especially since every time my boyfriend has doubts, I need to be the strong one. But whenever I am feeling doubtful, he just joins my pessimistic mood.
Any advice on where to go from here? I feel stuck in a rut and just want the next two years to be gone!
Long Distance is Not Making the Heart Grow Fonder
Dear Long Distance,
As soon as I read your question, I knew I needed an expert. So I immediately contacted the International Head of Long Distance Relationships and Courtships at Columbia University. Okay, that doesn't exist. I actually called my sister.
My sister met the most awesome guy, dated him a few years and then left town to go to law school. They were 6 hours apart by car for three years. And it was not easy. I think they once broke up for 5 minutes. But guess what? They are now married and expecting their 2nd child. So it can totally be done.
She says, "The first year is the hardest. If you can make it through the first year, you'll survive the rest. Give it four more months and if you haven't found anyone else that you want to make out with in your new town, continue on with this relationship. Having a relationship via phone and email is rough, but if you still have fun when you see him, your relationship is worth tolerating all the lame phone calls."
Here is the upside of your situation. You can drive to see each other. Every weekend if you want which is much easier than having to fly. Plan a visitation schedule and alternate visits. Try to talk to him every day, even if it's just to say hello and I miss you. But make sure you have a life in your town. Sitting home depressed over the situation will not make the time fly by.
Also, let him know that you are committed but need to know he is on board too. You can't be the only one saving this relationship. But my sister (are you wondering what her name is at this point?!) thinks guys aren't as tough and have more trouble with the long distance thing.
I'm not sure how your 2 year deadline came about. In two years, is one of you going to quit your job and move to the other town? Will that breed resentment? You all need a game plan. It sounds like you two want to get married. If this is your soul mate, you can totally survive.
Good luck and let us know how it goes!
More from parenting