Summer Can Suck It

5 years ago

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I hate summer. I know that makes me seem weird, but I just do. I live in a very hot state and I’m miserable whenever I’m outside in 90 degree plus temperatures. Plus I can't stand the unstructured-ness of the kids being home from school. I wish I wasn't such a malcontent and no fun, so what can I do to get through the summer without being crabby?

Signed,
Summer Grinch

____________________________

Untitled

Dear Summer Grinch,

Well, Grinchy, you’re probably asking the wrong person here. Because I live in Austin, Texas where our city slogan is “The Surface of the Sun -- With Cows!” Seriously, after last summer’s record heat, I’m thisclose to applying for a janitorial job at the Antarctic Research Station. Is it bad that I’d rather lose a toe to frostbite than attend one freakin’ more “Kick off the Summer!” pool party? Enough already, people. We get it. You like splashing.

But back to your problem.

I certainly don’t see anything wrong with hating summer -- after all, many people hate winter and they’re not ostracized or called "The BBQ Loser." But since you said you don’t want to be crabby any more, let’s come up with some positive things about June, July and August. Here we go!

Good Things About Summer:

  • Eat outside while West Nile virus-carrying mosquitoes attack you!
  • Yell at bored kids every day!
  • Your neighbor’s hairy feet in flip-flops? Yes, please!
  • Sit on hot leather car seats and suffer third-degree burns on the backs of your legs!
  • Take family car trips where the dog pukes and everybody cries!
  • Constantly rub sunscreen on your uncooperative kids!
  • Reruns!

Huh. Like I said, you’re probably asking the wrong person here. So let’s hear from our readers -- what do you love about summer? Or, if you're like me and Mrs. CrabbyPants here, what do you not like about summer? Tell us!

Warmly,

Wendi, TMH

 

Photo Credit: alex-campos.

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