So you had an unplanned pregnancy?

4 months ago
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So you had an unplanned pregnancy? Me too.

First of all, let me say this: Congratulations! No, really and truly: Congratulations.

Second, you’re probably going to hear a lot of crap in the weeks, months (and even years) to come.

Whether you are 17 or 37, people are going to gasp and ask, bug-eyed, “So, was this planned?

And you’ll sigh, and maybe squirm, like I sighed and squirmed I got pregnant as a newlywed (oh, it was twins too—biggest shock of my life!).

I felt so embarrassed, even ashamed at my “irresponsibility” of getting pregnant at the “wrong time.”

Sometimes I would tell this story: “No, not planned. In fact, we had just had the conversation about when we wanted to have kids. Three years we said. And then BAM! I got pregnant the next month.”

Other times I would laugh and make some joke at my expense, lightly blushing, reassuring them that No, I’m not a teenager (even if I looked like one at age 22), all the while pressing a protective hand on my growing belly.

That was 10 years ago, and I’ve learned a thing or two since then, namely this: I don’t owe anyone an explanation about my pregnancy or family “planning.”

Sure, there are better and more “right” times to get pregnant, and there’s a lot of wisdom in making good choices about relationships and family planning methods, but here’s the truth:

Babies come when they want to come. Every pregnancy is a miracle.Just ask any woman who is going through the agony of fertility treatments.

Here’s another truth: People are always going to have stupid opinions about the state of your womb:

Whether you got pregnant on your honeymoon
Whether you waited until your 10 year anniversary to try for a baby
Whether you’re senior in high school or college wondering what you are going to do next
Whether you are 41 and trying to baby number two
Whether there are 13 months or 13 years in between your kids
Whether you are pregnant with your 3rd…or your 10th child

People are going to have opinions. They are going to ask stupid questions that are none of their business.

 And you do not have to answer them, not if you don’t want to. 

But if they do ask, “Was this planned???” here’s a few comebacks to tuck in your pocket:

“Not by us! But we are so excited!”“This pregnancy is really new and precious to me. I’d rather not talk about that right now.”“None of your #*$# business.”“Wait…you mean you planned your pregnancies? That’s a thing?”“I know you may not approve, but I really need your support right now. Will you be there for me?”“No,” (then let the crickets chirp).

You are in charge of your motherhood story and how you tell it.Your feelings are your business.

If you want to cry, find a safe person and sob until that quiet peace steals over you.If you want to scream in excitement at this unexpected surprise, don’t let anyone—especially the nay-sayers—steal your joy.

So you had an unplanned pregnancy?

Here’s a third truth I’d like to share with you: You can do this. This may not have been your “right time” but you were chosen to be this baby’s mama. It’s happening, and you can do this.

You are going to be a great mom.

This article first appeared on TheBamBlog

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pregnancy parenting